Category Archives: Well Lookie Looooookie
Operation Get Paterson Out Of Here: The Rent Is Too Damn High Party
There’s a Gubernatorial race going on in New York.
A simple vie for a political seat has turned into a night at Mandalay Bay.
But now, it’s no longer a sh*tty catfight, thanks to this guy:
He is Jimmy McMillan. Part ‘Nam war vet, Part insanity. 100% awesome.
He also bears a striking resemblance to America’s favorite vet,
I thought Cuomo had my vote all sewn up. Now, my friends, we’ve got ourselves a race.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Lil’ Wayne Sends SI ANOTHER Open Letter
Last week, Lil’ Wayne penned an open letter to Sports Illustrated on his picks for the U.S. Open.
This clearly perturbs… everyone. Say no more, I’ve managed to get my hands on a draft copy of what Weezy really meant to say:
N****az watch tennis too.
Obviously, I wrote this entire thing on a ruler, since the Valium does not allow me to pay attention to what I’m doing for very long. I don’t know why they’d let something like a ruler in a prison. Thank God I’m alone. Anyway, I wanted to let SI know that I’m a big fan of all the famous tennis players, even the ones who aren’t even really playing anymore. Any bog name you’ve got, I’m a fan of. Especially Nadal! I had the smartest member of Young Money, Drake, Google all his stats, and then read them to me over the phone. Happy to report, I did not get phone checked. It was at his suggestion that I use the phrase “pulled out”.
With that said, I <3 Nadal.
Oops, I went this whole letter without mentioning the William’s sisters. Whoop, there it is.
P.S.: I could not spell check this letter. Let a n*gga slide.
P.P.S.: Enclosed is a self portrait taken a while back. Please feel free to republish.
Truthfully Yours,
Lil’ Weezy, aka Weezy F. Baby
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Why Wyclef Shouldn’t Be President Of Haiti
Haiti is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere. Ravaged by a multitudinous earthquake in the 1st month of this year, the country is at its lowest point in recent memory.
The Caribbean Isle is staring at Presidential elections this November. The 28th, to be exact.
and this guy wants the job.
Wyclef Jean, celebrated artist/Haitian/producer announced his bid for president last week.
Getting a little carried away with this whole “Black President” thing, ain’t we?
Problem is, he does sh*t like this.
What’s not on trial here, is Clef’s desire to aid Haiti and make sure the new regime is one of reconstruction and progress.
What is an issue is Jean using his celebrity to run for office. Just because you are a recognizable name doesn’t mean you’ll be good for the job.
In an interview on CBS’ The Early Show, Jean said the following of his declaration (via CBSNews.com):
CBS News correspondent and “Morning News” anchor Betty Nguyen sat down with Jean just before he announced his candidacy and asked him, “We know you as a Grammy winner, we know you as a hip hop star. What are your qualifications for president?”
“I have no qualifications for president; I have qualifications for a leader,” he replied. “The reason why I even entertain this idea is education, job creation, agriculture, bringing security into the country” . . . a country infamous for its repressive government.
“Haiti has a long history of corruption, cronyism,” Nguyen said. “How are you going to handle that?”
“If I’m not corrupted, then there’s a chance of me putting the right team around me that is not corrupted, where we can start to do business the right way,” Jean said.
One of his first orders of business was to resign from his charity, Yele Haiti. The organization drew criticism following the January earthquake for alleged mismanagement of funds.
“When people look at that and see maybe a possibility of corruption, what is your argument?” Nguyen asked.
“You could say, ‘Well, the governance of Yele Haiti was not right. So, how do I know you could govern a country if you couldn’t govern a charity?’ And what I will say to you is, I made a mistake. And what did I do? I fixed the mistake and I moved on.”
Some points to think about:
-Where is Wyclef’s political experience, in or out of Haiti?
-How old is this [Insert 5-letter noun here]? Is he 37 or 40?Did he exist in 1970 or not.
-Jean is running against his uncle, Haitian Usher Raymond Raymond Joseph, who, at least on paper appears way more qualified– just by being the U.S. Ambassador to Haiti since 2005.
-Another popular Haitian, also widely recognized in Flatbush, Brooklyn named “Sweet Mickey” or Michel Martelly as the government likes to call him, is also running for the position.
-Jean announced his bid for presidency to promote his upcoming single, the “If I Were President” remix.
-Has Wyclef actually said what he’s going to do for the country?
-He doesn’t have a U.S. Passport?
-His own former Fugee-mate Pras sounds more qualified.
-Lauryn Hill hasn’t said a peep?
-Wyclef”s got a house in Haiti, but hasn’t lived there since he was 9. That’s going to be enough to bend the residency requirement rules.
-Who doesn’t arrive in Haiti on a private jet?
The Presidency of Haiti isn’t one of those jobs where you can get away with “kinda” knowing what you are doing, like bartending or hosting a Fox News program. This is like operating heavy machinery.
Whatever that means.
If none of what I said seemed to make sense, at the very least take into account Wyclef was exactly one half of the worst song ever made:
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Chris Brown Did NOT Give The Best MJ Tribute
Yea, I said it.
Perhaps the most talked about/tweeted about moment of the 10th annual BET Awards happened right here:
Though this was the best performance of the night,
Don’t get caught up in C. Brown’s tears. This was not nearly the best MJ tribute ever.
This was.
Did all you [insert 5-letter adjective here]s forget Janet’s demolition at the 2009 VMA’s??
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a Chris Brown “hater” nor am I taking anything away from him. Should he remain imprisoned for the rest of his life? No. I mean, did he cry like that for Rihanna? But Breezy indeed, did rip it.
BUT
Nothing (short of Michael himself) compares to Janet taking the stage with the dancers hand-picked by Michael to appear with him on stage during the “This Is It Tour”. Janet got to dance with her brother again. Every move sharp. Every turn on point coincided perfectly with the “Scream” video (which, happened to be the most expensive music vid ever made– costing over $7mil.)
The performances elicited 2 different responses:
Janet: Goosebumps & tears. Yet again I wept like a baby when Ms. Jackson performed that. You would’ve thought I was at least a third cousin, twice removed.
Chris Brown: Jaw drop. Is this [insert 5-letter adjective here] cryin’ on stage like that? He just gave up. Right there. And let it all out.
For what it’s worth, it was a very emotional moment. Do I condone men weeping for no reason? Nope. Leave that to us women. In this circumstance, it was kind of understood.
Just because he cried does not make it the best Michael Jackson tribute ever.
Any strong display of emotion tends to grip an otherwise skeptical audience, and causes 1 of 2 reactions:
1. Attraction: Appealing to sheer humane emotion, a stronger bond is established between audience and subject:
2. Repulsion: Gets the subject further away from Intent. Usually met by said audience with laughter instead.
In this case, there was a little bit of both. In fact, he just might have saved his career a-la-R.Kelly.
But that’s another post for another time.
Sorry.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Diddy Says He’s the KING of Rap
Nevermind the fronts.
Much like Whitney & Bobby Brown fashion, when she declared her husband was the King of R&B.
Diddy had his hand in a world of legendary Hip Hop sh*t, but something tells me …well, decide for yourself. The quote, (courtesy XXL Mag)
“Hands down, undisputed, I’m the undisputed heavyweight champion of hip-hop. We are going to have to deal with those facts. There is nobody that can f*ck with me with what I do, which is getting busy. We are going across the board, as an entrepreneur, innovator, motivator. Who was there first? Who traveled to Europe first? The first. The first. The first. The first. I was the first.”
Diddy obviously has some history under his belt:
Ok so musically…he might have a point.
He brought us some of the most revered artists in Hip Hop & R&B, not to mention the obvious:
Is this disrespectful?
Or maybe he’s just drunk.
If that wasn’t enough, no Diddy White Party this year. It will be colored.
What say you, world? Is Diddy the undisputed King of Rap?
Drake Is A Jew
Ok, not really. But judging from these pictures, he wasn’t far off.
Everything started out ok…
But then
Goooood Grief
This looks familiar:
He took the L like Kobe on that one
Here is Drake’s epidose of the MTV series “When I Was 17″:
Everybody takes at least 1 crazy looking picture, right?
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Queen Kobe
In honor of my Celtics taking it to the hole (pause) last night & moving one step up in the 2010 NBA Finals…
I decided to write about Kobe Bryant.
This post is dedicated to 2 very special people, and 2 of the top 5 funniest people I know (and in existence) Maury Turay & David Auguste.
Love these guys.
& These guys have an unhealthy semi-homoerotic ongoing love affair with Kobe Bryant…
and something tells me they’re in luck.
So I dedicate this “Best of Kobe” montage to them:
If you weren’t impressed with his sportsmanship yet…here it comes…
Just when you thought these zesty ass pictures from the L.A. Times died… I went ahead & brought them back.
He took the L on this one. Best part is, I don’t even have to say anything.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Ricky Martin: Ass Bandit.
Was this really a surprise?
From standing extremely close to another male rump in Menudo, to… well,
Anybody with 2 eyeballs could see that he was uncontrollably homosexual.
Latin & Pop sensation Ricky Martin came out on Monday to the masses, opening up the biggest gay floodgate since Clay Aiken no one. But has he been trying to tell us all along? Through extremely catchy song and popular dance?
Ricky Martin- She He Bangs (Me)
Did South Park not dedicate an entire episode to gay fish?
The other men in the video with their sheer shirts completely unbuttoned don’t necesarily help to dispel the rumors.
Ricky Martin- Private Emotion (Gay)
I can’t. Too easy.
Ricky Martin Feat. Amerie & Fat Joe- I Don’t Care (I Just Wanna Dress Up As Your Girl)
Ok, the gratuitous bodyrolling in the beginning of the video? @1:25 Listen carefully. He tells us. “Crazy boy”
Ricky Martin- Livin’ La Vida Loca Homosessual
Upside inside turn you out
Livin La Vida Homosessual
Ricky Martin- The Cup Of Life Balls
You mean he gets to do a song? About a sport involving lots of men? Running around, sweating on top of each other? & Dance the way he does so freely on that stage? Naah. Nothing’s off.
This next one is easily the best song ever recorded:
Ricky Martin- Maria Mario
Professing his love for one named Maria, yet not going near her once the video. Instead spending it bailando in the street by himself…and in a fountain…and on a stage in a crushed velvet suit with sparkles.
Matter of fact…to come to think of it, Martin kept his interaction with women in his videos to a minimum.
So how can a man like this have kids?
One word.
Fraud.
Let me get the point across– there’s nothing wrong with being gay. But just be gay and don’t deceive or hurt anyone in the process.
Enrique Iglesias has been waiting upwards of a decade for the moment he can claim this spot.
…Some other folks should take Sr. Martin’s advice and open that closet back door:
What do you think?
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Derek Jeter’s Getting Married??
Yep, that’s what I heard.
Quagmire The Yankee Shortstop Derek Jeter, one of the world’s most eligible, pawed after, fawned over, stalked, loved, and ambiguously raced bachelors is taking his c*ck off the market.
Who’s the thief you ask?
That’d be Minka Kelly, that actress from Friday Night Lights & the daughter of Aerosmith guitarist Rick Gufay.
Jeter shot down rumors that he & Kelly were engaged as a guest on Letterman last November, perhaps he wanted to slang it once more before he settled down?
Not so fast ladies. Before you battleaxes get your thongs permanently lodged in your asses, know that the validity of this report is still being refuted. After noticing that Jeter’s name was penciled in to be married at the Oheka Castle in Huntington, Long Island, a reporter for the New York Post queried the manager of the estate & he denied that it was Derek Jeter.
English Translation: Derek Jeter might not be getting married after all.
or he might.
Personally I find
muuuuuuuch hotter. His Dominicanness also ups the ante. Mmmm speak Spanish to me.
Whoa. I digress.
Anywho, the date for “Jeter” is set for November 5th, 2010.
One more for ol’ times sake, eh?
We’ll see.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Switchin’ Teams
It’s supposed to be all about Barack Obama today as we celebrate the 100th day of his historic presidency. Yet somehow, it’s all about this guy:
Republican senator Arlen Specter (PA). Yesterday he stole the spotlight when he jumped ship and abandoned his beloved GOP to rock out with the party lead by the most popular (Black) man in the world.
Obviously Princess Specter has received a lot of criticism because of the recent move, but to quell that, he voted against the final version of President Obama’s Blueprint budget, just to show he’s still got a little bit of that Republican swing in him from the past 43 years.
No matter what, there is just one more seat left to be handed over to the Democrats in order to have a clean 60/40% control of the house, dependent upon what Al Franken does w/ his slot. Either way, Team Barack is still in control.
Or Maybe this whole thing is just a joke?
Since it appears that Princess has a little bit of joke in him…
Call it how you see it.
Love,
Ms. Officer
Well Loooookie Loooooookie
I just had to use the insightful words of Sheneneh Jenkins to describe Chris Brown finding himself a new different girl that he’s been messing around with overlapping Rihanna but no one knew until now chick. Apparently this idiot is named Natalie Mejia of some group called ‘Girlicious’. What a stupid name that is.
She and her eyebrows are rumored to be Chris’ new girlfriend j-u-m-p.
Even though his representatives are denying the whole thing, you already know. In addition, “they” (you know, this intangible “they” that seems to say everything) are also running ‘their mouths about a second “girlfriend” , Erica Jackson, who goes to go college in VA.
What I can’t understand, is that ex-girlfriend or no ex-girlfriend, jumpoff or no jumpoff, everyone now knows what Chris has done to Rihanna. Then, here is the million -and-one dollar question:
Why would any female be clammering to get to Chris Brown, considering how abusive he is?
What a mess.
Talk about it…
Love,
*Ms. Officer
