Category Archives: Uncategorized
Hilarity Pt. 34- #69, Northeastern State Of Mind
That’s the national ranking of my school. Let me just start out by saying if you went to a:
-2 year type of deal
-Otherwise “accredited” “university”
-”University” of Phoenix
-#70 or lower
-Somewhere that handed you an Associate’s Degree
the Commonwealth of Massachusetts forbids me to talk to you. And I don’t really think I’m missing anything.
@:07 I have never seen that cow.
But I’ve seen plenty others on campus, ZING!
@ :14 That’s true.
@ :16 I never worked on my biceps @ Marino. Or anywhere.
@ :20 If you like Bolocco you’re dead to me. Same thing goes for Chicken Lou’s.
@ :33 That’s exactly how campus looks @ 8 AM — when class is in session
@ :34 Prof. can’t speak English, neither can the President
@ :51 That used to be a sh*tty Barnyard Chicken. It was saltier than salt.
@ :59 That’s the first thing a friend of mine entitled Kyrsten Whitt (Boston native) told me our Freshman year. He added that a pack of gay guys roam through there (& Ruggles) looking to rape anything moving.
@ 1:07 Hahah that was taken from Roxbury the sh*tty side of campus!
@ 1:32 BHOP has given us all indigestion.
@ 1:41 He’s like the Black(ish?), fat, lighter skinned, Spanish-y, younger Jay-Z. Or maybe Joell Ortiz.
@ 1:53 Campus housing doesn’t look that sh*tty. He must live @ the Chuuuuuuch House
@ 2:06 Glad I did that. Stretched out my college years
@ 2:13 Howie Mandel? I might not miss this after all.
@ 2:39 EW a Ginger he must be stopped
@ 2:40 I’ve had that convo several times. All with idiots, see opening statement.
@ 2:47 Those are some renegade f*cking buses
@ 2:52 If you’re Black, Spanish, some sort of mix in between, DJ D-von, a townie, a Black townie, NUPD on Black kid night…or high… you’ve been in there.
@ 3:06 Not to be confused with MOMA
@ 3:15 Oh sh*t they closed the Burger King? Where many a bum fight took place?
@ 3:20 Rub it’s nose for good luck!
@ 3:38 Ever.
@ 3:48 Barely used it.
@ 3:57 “But she’s probably a whoooore!”
This was adorable. But what are a couple things that he missed?
-The “Tute” otherwise known to the rest of the campus as “that-thing-under-the-botttom-of-the-new-Freshman-reshall-with-all-the-Negroes-coming-in-and-out-of-it-and-the-scared-looking-White-kids” or simply, The John D O’Bryant African American Institute
-The LSCC otherwise known as “probably-one-of-the-oldest-buildings-on-campus-now-and-it-smells-like-Sazon” or simply, The Latino Student Cultural Center
-The rats residing in all dining halls. And your vents. And the T tracks. And the dining halls. While you’re dining.
-The Willis Hall baby
-The insanely hot CJ Professor who I affectionately referred to as Dr. I should have slept with
-Space Jam & the NU Basketball Team
-Broomball
-Naked streaking in West Village Quad in the Winter
-The shady spaces between…all of the buildings?
- The YMCA where I used to live
School was fun.
Did I mention I graduated Cum Laude?
of course I did.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Top A-Little-More-Than-5 Posse Cuts
And no, this has nothing to do with Mario Van Peebles. Or Deebo.
This is a dedication to The Posse. Spawned by my friend Jason Williams (Jay) & Grandpa (Evans Erilus) via Facebook, the place where all worthy scholars meet & good ideas are born.
They selected 1 For Peedi Crackk as the most underrated posse song in history.
- Throwback Jerseys? Check.
- Girls you’ve mistaken for boys? Check.
- Large man with soft name? Check.
- Amish Negroes? Check.
-Groupjump? Check.
Welp, I agree with Grandpa & Jay– & have several more– in no particular order.
For Rap, its all about the posse. Crew. [Insert 5-letter noun here]. Boyz. Aces. Or in the matter of DMX, dogs.
- Fresh from jail? Check.
- Topless Male Group Workout? Check.
- School buses to transport topless posse? Check.
- Actual dogs? Check.
Drunken Master- 50 [Insert 5-letter noun, pluralized here] Deep
+10 pts. if you remember this even existed.
- Obligatory bandanna? Check.
- Fubu? Check.
- Proof you can count? All the way up to 50? Twice? Check.
- Slapboxing with said [Insert 5-letter noun, pluralized here]? Check.
- Chick that doesn’t really look like a bird until she opens her mouth? Check.
- The “was that Olivia?” moment? Check.
Anything by Dipset. In this case we’ll select “Dipset Anthem” for $800, Alex.
- Synchronized dancing? Check.
- Close proximity during said synchronized dancing? Check.
- Lover’s Rock Sanchez sample? Check.
- Posse ride with a whole bunch of unnecessary sh*t on it’s wheels? Check.
- My posse wants you to hear 2 songs during this 1 video? Check.
It’s a well known fact that men like to gang up with their posse & talk about…what else? Women.
- Suit wearing posse? Check.
- Suit wearing posse emerging from smoke? Check.
- Extreme earring dangling? Check.
- Perhaps the possiest member of any posse, The Hookmaster, Nate Dogg? Check.
The south has posses too, although we might not know what they’re saying.
- Negroes standing on top of things like a real army? Check.
- Everyone on (hopefully) abandoned train tracks? Check.
- Pigtails? Check.
- The “we’re unhappy standing here” shot? Check.
- Moob shot? Check.
-Bonus-
How could I exclude Fif?
- Leader of the pack starting off the song? Check.
- Obscure (but not really) Italian-y Spanish-y movie reference? Check.
- Posse matching chains? Check
If you can’t appreciate a good posse by now, what are you doing?
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Vid: Eminem & Lil’ Wayne- No Love
@:03 I’m gonna cry.
@:26 I’m sick. This is stressful.
@:30 Lil’ Weezy really put all that “extra before he went to jail time” to use.
@1:20 These kids r a**holes.
@1:35 Knowing these two artists, I’m actually afraid of where this might go
@1:59 Damn. The bathroom?? How is no one else using it??
@3:17 There’s a new energy about this new Eminem. It’s amazing.
@3:34 Kinda pointless.
@3:53 Don’t you. Forget about me.
@4:43 Yay!
That was intense…and not where I envisioned this going. A little scary there for a minute, but that’s just what a good music video does.
Good Job Kiddo.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Dr. Dre & Eminem
Dr. Dre can be defined in 3 eras:
1. World Class Wrecking Crew/N.W.A.
2. East Coast/West Coast (Pre- Eminem)
3. Post Eminem
And, while we are in the season of the VMA, it looks like everyone appearing/performing/up for awards is Black:
-Nicki Minaj, B.o.B., Jay-Z, Justin Beiber, Kanye West, Drake, The Beyonce, Eminem…
So it’s only right.
Hearing this song at my friend Nyisha’s house Sunday instantly reminded me of how much I loved it. That was also evidenced by the headache I got from bopping so hard + Patron Silver.
Glad to know Dre is hard at work.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Song Smell: Kanye West Feat. Jay-Z & Swizz Beats- Power (Remix)
What!
Sometimes, you can tell simply by looking at the roster if a song is going to be hot.
This is one of those times.
Where you wanna listen.
Snap!
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Vid- M.I.A.- XXXO
I posted the remix to this song with Jay-Z quite some time ago here.
@ :05- Thank GOD I’m not epileptic
@ :08- Is it still a weave if an (East) Indian wears it?
@:20- Don’t I have that picture frame on my phone?
@:40- She looks great post- pregnancy
@:46- Subtle message she’s delivering to her record label, eh?
@ 1:09- Could this depict what she sees when she’s high?
@ 1:30- What the hell does any of this say
@ 1:58- See? It’s like she’s a tiger. I get it.
But I know someone who did it better:
@2:02- It’s becoming quite evident that Jiggaman isn’t in this version.
@2:51- I feel like I’m looking at a long MySpace page. Back in ’06.
@2:57- Wow. That just confirmed it.
Eh.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Vid: Eminem Feat. Rihanna- Love The Way You Lie
@ :10- Still dunno how I feel about Rihanna’s red hair. Guess it doesn’t make a significant life impact, like Paterson raising clothes tax.
@ :12- Meagan Fox looks like the type.
@:27- Em came hard (pause)
@:43- I could believe she’s trailer trash. It’s plausible.
@1:04- Swordfish
@1:13- Ew.
@2:07- Black nail polish= sign of crazy. Especially on one thumb.
@2:09- I like to make out near satellite dishes
@2:15- Is she a f*king child??
@3:07- I like the way Eminem is in this video.
@3:17- Wait- that dude looks waaaay older than her
@3:49- Rihanna’s boobs have made a guest appearance
Eh, a music video is a music video.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Jamaican Vacation
So I’m back from what feels like a 2 week hiatus.
Guess I owe you an explanation as to where I was.
I took a much needed vacation to my father’s native, Jamaica, W.I.
This trip also “happened” to fall on July 19th, my 2*th Birthday.
The trip lasted only 5 days, but I learned some very important things along the way.
I flew Jet Blue down to JA.
While boarding I realized we had a hot pilot. I fully understood the concept of the “Mile High Club”.
While approaching my seat (an aisle seat– I truly can’t take what might mean being stuffed between a walrus &…another walrus) someone was already parked in it. An older Caribbean woman with a mustache. I was polite in letting her know she was occupying the wrong space, and was met with this response:
“Just sit here” she grumbled, her mustache finger pointing to the middle seat. I gave her a look and retorted “No, I can’t sit there.” I was ready to drive this into an argument since she’d already (unnecessarily) given me attitude, but she complied.
Getting off the plane I noticed the hot pilot looking at me. I smile and say thank you. This moment was ruined by one thing– the woman in front of me wheeling one of those stupid f*cking rolling bookbags down the aisle entirely too slowly.
I tripped.
He caught me.
2 reactions came to mind: 1. I need to choke this woman. 2. I should have fallen. That way, I could’ve struck up a convo about how clumsy I was, blah, blah, blah, we would’ve joked, then he would of been sucked into my undeniable charm.
But none of that happened. We smiled again, I said thanks again, and with the woman out of the danger zone, I sashayed off the plane.
I stayed in 3 places:
-Goat Hill, St. Mary: Or “Goat ‘ill” as the natives say. My grandparents’ house. In the middle of the country nowhere. Goats chill with you, just like people would.
-The RIU Hotel & Resort, Ocho Rios. A beautiful 5-star, all-inclusive resort. There was no reason to drink anything else but alcohol. And if the 13 bars & restaurants weren’t enough to keep me occupied, there was a stocked mini bar & liquor attached to the wall on top of it. Amen.
-Kingston. A beautiful home on Manning’s Hill Road is where I completed this trip. For lack of dragging out this explanation, let’s just call them my Godparents.
It was relaxing. Yet even on vacation, you can learn so much. What did I learn this go ’round?
-Approx. 65% of Jamaican men are toothless
-Mosquitoes can smell American blood
-So can natives
-Little people with big accents are fun
-Airplane TV is apparently the only place where people will watch Sarah McClachlan. Not voluntarily, but because they have to. From the same hellraisers people that brought us Macy Gray, We get Sarah. For 1 hour because we are outside the Direct TV service zone. Wasn’t that f*ckin sad-ass cat commercial enough??
-It was. Jet Blue redeemed themselves by showing “Date Night” on the way back
-Not too sure about my father’s sentiments on the Japanese, but at least now he likes their food. (Though he’s not yet ready to graduate to Sushi)
-Ask me what he said about the dinner. I promise it translates much better in person
-Even when you think they are not watching, the hotel staff is eyeballing you
-With an 85-to-1 exchange rate, I can go to Jamaica & live like a queen off of $153
-Falling in front of a group of hot guys does not always result in embarrassment (yes, this is different from the plane slip)
-I love hotels. I love the way they smell. I love the way they make your clothes smell
-iPhones take pretty good pictures under duress
-Flush only when necessary
-The U.S. appears to be the only country with stringent statutory rape laws
-Don’t eat ox tail in the same place where they have slot machines
-On the way back, I had a bit of a snafu and boarded the plane last…like-they’re-calling-your-name-on-the-loudspeaker-like-someone’s-lost-kid-at-the-mall-last. I had a Ginger flight attendant. From the moment I boarded she it had it out for me
-Ginger kids suck in all aspects of life, especially those requiring service and accomodation
There are many more glimmers of insight to come. Just look at the pictures for now.
I know it’s long, but you asked.
<3
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Vid: Trey Songz- Already Taken
This movie’s bound to suck From the Step Up 3D flick:
- @ :16: That shot is in every. single. Songz. video.
@ :33: Haven’t we seen this before?
- @ :36: Who doesn’t like scenes in cars that don’t go anywhere?
-@ 1:14: She can’t dance.
-@ 1:33: Trey better be careful…there’s some sort of claw object moving up his arm.
-@ 1:53: Stomp The Yard + You Got Served.
-@ 2:07: Signs of a Ginger kid are never good.
-@ 2:25 : This time the evil claw thing is on Trey’s face. Why won’t he flee?
-@ 2:50: Aren’t they from C. Brown’s Transform Ya vid? All White dancers in Hop Hop/R&B vids stick out.
-@ 3:12: Why’d they do that to this girl & give her a solo??
-@ 3:58: I get it. They’re supposed to be like the couple in the actual movie. But they were a couple in real life.
That’s Song’s ex, Helen Gedlu. From the looks of things, they’re really good actors the “s” still belongs in front of “ex”.
::Queue shrill cry of tweens everywhere coupled with Tweets for this girl’s demise::
And for those of you losers who are actually checking for this movie, 2 hour long episode of “So You Think You Can Dance”, it’ll be out August 6th.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
T.I.’s 1st Performance Since Jail Will Be…
Ok, I didn’t mean for that to sound like “T.I.’s first performance since he’d been performing in jail” but the skinny man is back on the scene.
He’s been making his rounds with the interview circut
Tip will hit the stage again at this year’s BET Awards on June 27th.
And it’s about time. We missed his ass. (Pause)
Tiny did too.
Apparently John Legend‘s boring ass is receiving the Humanitarian Award for his work to end poverty through education.
That’s good news.
And if any of this tomfoolery takes place, we’ll be watching.
Glad to have you back T.I., glad to have you back.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
The Game x Pharell x Justin Timberlake =
Well, I dunno what it equals. All I know is that I’ve been going hard to the single “Ain’t No Doubt About It” off of the pushed back upcoming R.E.D. Album from The Game for about 3 weeks now.
These are some stills, (Courtesy Vibe Mag) from the video shoot in Long Beach, CA last month:
This also encourages me to continue on with the crusade I started last year to get Justin Timberlake to do something in this album interim. Either put out a single or become a permanent cast member of Saturday Night Live. Don’t just sit there.
Just saying.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Damn Vol. 7
Goes to an esteemed man, who has always made me incredibly hot looking at him.
Today he announced his retirement from the Cincinnati Reds after 22 seasons in the MLB.
Easily one of the best outfielders baseball players– Ken Griffey Jr.
While others take this time to reflect:
On his career 630 Home Runs– making him #5 on the all time list
Or being from the rampant Roid Rage era where he did not participate (kudos to you too Derek Jeter so far)
Or 10 Gold Gloves
Or wrecking the ’93 home run derby–hitting the ball farther than anyone (still) has in Derby history
Or being a ridiculous endorsement fan favorite.
No.
It’s all about that azz.
Let’s take this time to marvel over how baaaaad this mamajamma is.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn
Hit it here Jr.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
CNN Says the N Word Live On Air
What’s funny is, I was watching this story live as it aired at work the other day, even brought it to the attention of the Assignment Editor sitting next to me. But alas, worrying about the BP mess caused me to switch the TV to mute, and miss what would become the most pivotal moment of the whole piece:
What started out as
was quickly overshadowed by
DAMN I WISH I WOULD’VE CAUGHT THAT LIVE.
How else would you describe a Century + lady from Philadelphia who still has all her wits & motor skills about her, but with Gangsta Rap?
…While we’re at it,
Sheeeiiiit
Wait…what did CNN do wrong again?
I don’t see anyone calling them
N****s
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Top 5 Songs, Week of 5/ 24
Here is something new. I’ll grab you the Top 5 songs of the week, you’ll take ‘em, listen & comment. These are a compilation of the best 5 songs of the week, the best 5 new songs of the week, or the best 5 songs you can’t stop singing in that moment when your mind wanders free.
5. Sean Garrett Feat. Tyga & Gucci Mane- She Geeked
Sean Garrett’s riding that fine line (pause) between producer & artist. & So far I like what I’m hearing.
Could I do without Gucci Mane on this song? Probably. Certainly don’t expect him to be doing any tracks with Cam’ron anytime soon. Not sure how we’d fare without Gucci at a party nowadays though.
4. The Dream- Sex Intelligent
Here The hamburglar
Dream comes again. His breakdowns are tough.
3. Drake Feat. Jay-Z- Light It Up (Tags)
How long have you been waiting for this collaboration? You can whack off now.
2. Drake Feat. Alicia Keys- Fireworks
So 40% of this week’s countdown belongs to Drizzy. Say what you want, he’s tough. Drake’s filling some sort of cool-somewhat-nerd-but-just-enough-ignorance-for-young-money void. Oh yeah, and Alicia Keys is pregnant. Let the tacky fireworks jokes begin.
1. Kanye West Feat. Dwele- Power
Why does every Kanye comeback song feel like Dwele is a part of it?
-Bonus-
Ray J- Curious
Something
My intelligence tells me I shouldn’t like this song. But for some reason, the production by Felli Fell is easing my nerves.
Enjoy, Comment.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Vid: Ludacris Feat. Trey Songz- Sex Room
Partial to Ludacris.
Partial to this song.
How about the vid?
I’m hot.
Seeing a topless Ludacris always does that to me. Ever since
Many of you are probably asking, “What about Trey Songz? What effect does he have?”
Ladies & Gentlemen, kindly direct your attention @2:37
Where the black turteneck rears its unforgiving-when-it’s-worn-on-males head.
So you can certainly see why Trey’s black, shiny ass turtleneck
Looks like
I joke, I joke.
I keed, I keed.
Kinda.
Tough song, tough neck.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
