Category Archives: Silly Shit I Like To Watch
Hilarity Pt. 35: Like A Bosh
Ever bought something and you thought it was going to be rad, but then it sucked? That’s basically what they’re saying happened with the Miami Heat Chris Bosh.
Hah! No Miami’s not playing up to their potential, but they’re still new. Here are all their tacky nicknames:
-Miami Thrice
-MV3
-Heatwave
-The Golden Girls
No matter the name, Bosh is definitely the 3rd wheel on the Wade/James caravan of love.
Whatever, I’m a Celtic/Knick fan.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Tiger’s Balls
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Too easy.
How many 7th-grade jokes can be made about this un-photoshoppepd masterpiece?
This picture was snapped by a genius who was actually standing in a really sh*tty place. Mark Pain (Not to be confused with “T”)
of the U.K.’s Daily Mail happened to be standing there. This took place in the future over the weekend during the Ryder Cup in Whales.
Don’t let the “Where’s Waldo’s Mustache” dude in the corner distract you. Write all of your tacky jokes below now, please.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
The Social Network Was F*cking Good
Tonight, my roommate Turkey and I just finished watching “The Social Network”.
Like average citizens, we waited until opening weekend.
Like average citizens, we bought our tickets and overpriced death accelerators movie snacks.
Like average citizens, I watched a toothless woman shuffle out of the stall I was waiting on tell me there was no more toilet paper we waited on line to use the bathroom after the film was done.
I can’t do it.
-At least-
The Social Network was f*cking good.
Admittedly, this theater visit was fulled by my love for Justin Timberlake. I returned with much more.
This is the story of the “Mark Zuckerberg Production”, in college at the same time I was. The world’s youngest Billionaire and his closest friend invent a pop culture phenomenon the internet’s coolest stalking device. It attracts the attention of Sean Parker -co-conspirator of Shawn Fanning- the brains behind Napster who went to Northeastern (my f*ckin school) a decade earlier.
Even though I didn’t feel like punching someone in the mouth because I sat still for two hours, the thoughts that had been lurking in my subconscious darted to the forefront.
What the f*ck am I doing?
There I sat.
The wee months of 2004.
Nicole Vazquez‘s Harvard dorm room.
Her 7,000th time hammering me to “Get on Facebook” (then, only open to Boston-area college students and not any f*cking weirdo with an internet connection, a mirror, & a cameraphone) After refusing so much,
on try 7,001 I signed up, and never looked back.
There were no outlandish differences between Mark Zuckerberg and myself. Save his computer programming skills, my mind (minus the 1600 SAT score) works similarly.
It has only been a couple of years since I left college, yet the angst of graduating into an unstable economy still haunts me. For the longest time, I thought I was crystal clear on the career path I’d chosen, having found a love for it while at Northeastern.
Just about all of my work experience has been in this one field and, as you can imagine, going from wanting to do something so bad, then not wanting to do it at all is sh*tty harrowing. It also f*cks with your head. What I do now is not my career. What I have to say about my job is not important. Though I feel I certainly should be farther along in it.
I’m agitated by the rat race of the MTA, the disgusting guys who hang out on corners and ask if I “put lip gloss on them sh*s”, and not being able to find a decent vegetable in a Black neighborhood that hasn’t been soaked in Mazola.
I can’t do it.
I once had dreams of going to law school. This was recently echoed in a conversation with an obnoxious friend by the name of Shane Dayqwanna Lloyd.
He’s in grad school at Brown, learning about lobotomies & how to perform them with chopsticks.
Shane: “Well didn’t you wanna go back to school? All of your friends are back in higher education. Why aren’t you??”
Me: “This is something I need to be sure of before I dig myself deeper into the sh*tter with Sallie Mae. And 3 more years.”
Shane: “Well, you’re not getting any younger. And you’re kinda smart. It’s time for you to move up to the Ivy leagues.”
Me: “Ass*ole.”
Of course I can’t immediately think of anything I’d like to do, but I know what I don’t want to be:
-This
-Manure scooper
-Prostitute
-Problem Drinker
-African American Haberdasher
-Police Officer
-Accountant
-Anything having anything to do with math, counting, sequences, or even saying numbers
-Anything involving Pee-Wee Herman. Or Fantasia.
Zuckerberg’s character noted he “couldn’t” go back to Caribbean night at Alpha Epsilon Pi.
I can’t do it either.
I have the passion. I have the talent. I have the intelligence. And I want to invent some widely successful & popular sh*t.
There’s something greater I’ve got to get.
As quoted from my (very Jamaican) father to me in our conversation last week:
“Where do I go from here?”
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 16- See Brett Favre’s Dong
In light of the recent a-married-Brett-Favre-sexts-some-chick-who’s-kinda-famous–but-not-really-and-20-years-his-junior, someone remixed Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long” to properly encompass what Favre was thinking– the moment he decided to send Jenn Sterger pics of his schlong. (Why ruin the rhyme scheme?)
I especially appreciate the collage.
…but this signifies it’s time to hang it up.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Did You Miss Jay-Z on SNL? or More Importantly, Betty White?
Here is his performance of “Forever Young” with minature Sting in cuffed-for-no-reason pants Mr. Hudson:
But as good as those were, Jiggaman wasn’t the star of the show. Meet his 88 year old competition, Golden Girl extraordinaire, Betty White.
As you’ve never seen her before.
She was making all kinds of uncomfortable wild sh*t you don’t want anyone over the age of like, 40 references
By far the Manuel Ortiz skit was the best.
Only 2 women can upstage Jay-Z, and both of their names start with B.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
The Forbidden Commercial
So I posted about this as it happened, but the truth was, no one wanted to see any fat chicks on TV.
Thank God for the internet.
On this weightless stomping ground, just about anything goes.
If you’re interested, here’s the banned Lane Bryant Giant commercial:
Ew.
Personally, I don’t care to see the Victoria’s Secret commercials. And I damn sure don’t care to see this.
*Ms. Officer
New On The Cougar List: Betty White
See? She said it herself:
Just a teaser from a duo I’m obsessed to see:
They’d make a cute couple. After all, they are the same age. I’m team Betty.
May 8th on SNL, we shall see.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Jay-Z’s OTHER Woman
Some things just make a dynamic duo:
// 
Hilarty Pt. 2
Oh gosh. I don’t even know why my boy Mike Brown found this, let alone what he was doing while searching; something tells me it was some sort of search for “Squeeze my dirty balls”
Take a look below:
HAH!
P.S.: Jamie Pressley’s starting to look old, ain’t she? Sheesh.
Enjoy the laugh
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity
One of my favorite people, a Ms. Dawn Gregory sent me an extremely humorous picture to my e-mail inbox today. Who would I be to not spread the wealth?
When I looked at this, I GUFFAWED. LOUD.
Apparently this photo is real & I just find the irony of it hilarious. For your viewing pleasure (or displeasure; here are some other funny ass gay pictures)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Enjoy the hearty laugh,
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Who Won The Superbowl?
The politically correct answer is the New Orleans Saints. If you ask anyone to tell it, they defeated the Indianapolis Colts with a score of 31-17, making it the most watched television event in history; even more so than
and the very last episode of M*A*S*H*
I am proud of the team, I am proud for the city. For it’s 1st championship, it’s amazing and they deserve it.
But there’s another answer at play here:
Exhibit A: Kim Kardahian and Reggie Bush.
Let it be known: I am not (nor have I ever been) a fan of Kim Kardashian.
I do not watch the show.
I do not want the perfume.
I do think Khloe is their brother.
But did you see this??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY9sTZjUCJE
The problem here is not a proud girlfriend running up to congratulate her man on a feat accomplished by the waaaay underdog.
The problem its that she does not recognize that this is not her moment, ergo becoming an attention whore.
Reggie Bush won the Superbowl.
Couldn’t she have let him have his immediate moment with a reporter right then? Mid- sentence?
And pleaaaaaase tell me you heard Gertrude egging Kim on. That woman sounds like she eats whole hamhocks in one sitting.
There was, however, hearsay that Reggie promised Kim he’d marry her if he won the Superbowl. Seemed like a long shot to him 3 weeks ago, eh?
Ew.
Some things never change?
At any rate, enjoy this hilarious Snickers Superbowl commercial starring Betty White!
Love,
*Ms. Officer
KFC Ad Racist?
You decide.
I think this is funny as hell, actually:
This thing has been the buzz of the internet just before the holiday season & I finally got a chance to sit down and watch it.
What I see is an akward ass white dude miserable in the middle of a bunch of Black folk who are not dressed like him. He thinks they don’t share the same enthusiasm for the team because no one else is wearing the same team jersey as he is. Everyone knows how, can, & is dancing to Calypso music. He’s from Austrailia, they’re from the Caribbean. What’s a person to do? How does a lone white man in the throws of trouble break down a language barrier even though they all still speak English pacify a bunch of negroes?
With KFC Chicken! Of course!
Why didn’t any one think of this sooner?
The colonel’s 11 herbs & spices, enough to make any man forget they are suppressing racial tensions rather than truly calming the atmosphere and encouraging harmony.
…In the colonel’s defense, I heard once upon a time the “C” no longer stood for chicken.
What do you think?
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Silly Sh*t I Like To Watch
SNL has easily been one of my longstanding favorite shows. Sketch comedy always wins with me.
But I was in for a surprise during this week’s episode.
Ok, now granted I didn’t get to watch it live due to partaking in debauchery at the holiday dinner party at my dear friend Nyisha’s house. Yet during my usual romp around news sites online I was instantly reminded that cutie pie
James Franco hosted Saturday’s show & “hilarity ensued” (a-la-Tucker Max).
In the words of a tween white girl:
O
M
G.
This sh*t is hilarious. The tongue? I nearly peed.
Despite exceedingly questionable behavior by Franco & well…everyone else in “Kissing Family”, (especially the intense make out sessions with Bill Hader & of course Will Forte)
I don’t really think he is gay…even though he just finished playing boyfriend to Harvey in the film “Milk”.
Gratuitous M 2 M (Male 2 Male. F*ckin give me credit with coining this phrase, don’t just hijack my words) action on screen. Does that mean you’re gay?
orrrrr
a really good actor?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrOpxZMUj2I&feature=related
“….Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Silly Sh*t I Like To Watch
What is there better to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon than look up my favorite things to watch?
I know.
This (The King Of Queens) is easily one of my faaaaavorite shows, (alongside Martin, The Jamie Foxx Show, Entourage, The Wire, Law & Order SVU, Soul Food, Family Guy…) and I just couldn’t take not sharing it with you any longer.
For immediate comedic relief, please press play on the video below:
He goes soooo hard.
Got me with that upside down move.
& How about the stripper @ the end of the scene? How awkward do you think shooting that was on top of Jerry Stiller’s lap?
Yea, I Know.
I too wanna take up pole dancing, I’ll let you know how that goes.
Make it rain.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
This Feels Good.
I feel like a good laugh is in order, and this is definitely never gets old. The first time I saw it was when it first happened just about 2 years ago. And I’ve been loving it ever since.
Dis negro said pause! To Spike Lee!
That’s like saying pause to…
Spike Lee!
- Gus Johnson singlehandedly expressed the most intelligent use of the Dipset-infused ‘pause’ ever.
- Did you see Gus say it then stick his hand out a little? Spike kinda paused. You could see him thinking about it, and then wanting to go back and ask about what that meant, but the conversation had already gone too far. This is certainly a classic.
- Lmao. Yup, ‘pause’ will never be as scholarly again.
Certainly something could stand to be learned here, right?
Reading is Fundamental.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
