Category Archives: Oh Hell Yes
The. Best. Christ. Mas. Songs. Evar.
December.
To me some it represents the impending doom of Jury Duty, only obeyed for fear of sharing a cell with an enlarged “woman” named Tiny. To the world over, it signifies the thick of the Holiday Season, and, most importantly– the fun “month illustration” on every calendar.
A feeling only Chrismahaunakwanzikah can bring.
This season is also particularly special because it’s the only one with it’s own soundtrack. Sure there are songs about love, but not necesarily Valentine’s Day, No one outside of the Irish sing for drinking, St. Patty’s Day, and I’ve never particularly heard a President’s Day song that made me want to blast it on my iPod, further deafening myself.
However:
5. Nat King Cole- The Christmas Song
Mr. Cole’s voice is akin to a fireplace and a freshly iced gingerbread house. That you just bit the door off of. Because you thought no one would notice if you called it a gingerbread “hut”.
For now, let’s just call him the Velvet Voice.
4. Paul Mc Cartney- Wonderful Christmastime
As cheesy and heavily synthed as it is, it gets radio-played almost 10 times an hour. This is obviously some sort of scientific measure of Paul McCartney’s popularity. I can listen to this sequence (or lack thereof) and not get exhausted. Maybe that says more about me than it does the song.
3. Stevie Wonder- Christmastime
On an ordinary day, during any one of his songs, Stevie Wonder’s voice makes my eyeballs well up. Add pine, memories of holidays past. Here is the recipie for the salty discharge that begins to roll down my cheeks. We’ve got a stage two tissue emergency.
Please don’t take Stevie Wonder at all. Take Soulja Boy instead.
2. Mariah Carey- All I Want For Christmas
The crowd pretty much echoes the world’s sentiment on this song. If you don’t agree, you’ve never:
a.) Truly appreciated Mariah Carey’s crazy
b.) Truly appreciated Mariah Carey’s genius
Much like last week’s toenail standing moment at The Garden, this and the following have been in contention for the number 1 spot.
1. Let It Snow- Boyz II Men Feat. Brian McKnight
If you can get passed the abusive hoop-earring wearing in this video, you can truly appreciate the song for what it is. Nostalgia & Christmas Cheer donned in Charlie Brown sweaters.
A classic with a twist . And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
*Bonus*
It’s ok, half my family is Jewish. I’m allowed.
Ms. Officer Featured on JeffPearlman.com
‘s Blog!
If you missed this, you were one of 2 places:
1. Doing crack
2. Somewhere weeping with Wade Phillips
Jeff Pearlman is an amazing author, and if you don’t know who he is, I suggest you grab one of those real-life paper things with the funny black letters you didn’t type on it. He’s written a few.
Or you can Google him.
Anywho, I wrote a piece on who the next Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame inductee should be– and made my bid for Jigga Jigga, ya heard?
Who do you think belongs in the Rock-N-Roll Hall of Fame?
And yes, I’m well aware of the 25 year rule. And I chose to disrespect it.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Vid: Nicki Minaj- Right Thru Me
Everyone knows Nicki Minaj is 1/2 of my girl crush (The other being Blake Lively).
@ :03- 5:13 Who the F*** is that
During this video, I heard nothing. And if my memory serves me correctly, Nicki wasn’t even in it.
Willy Monfret is the hypnotizing half Negro in this vid.
I think I just got pregnant.
Too bad he has a sh*tty French accent. It’s really annoying to listen to.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Gregory Isaacs
This week Reggae music mourned Gregory Isaacs.
If you don’t know who he is, I can’t be bothered with your foolish a** click here and here.
What Caribbean export didn’t grow up on him?? My (very) Jamaican Pops used to have all kinds of tapes & records on repeat. Mr. Isaacs was certainly one 12.
As a guest of my homeslice Squeeze (careful, smedium alert), I had the pleasure of meeting and speaking to Mr. Issacs at Jamrock’s Vintage Reggaefest in ’08.
To be clear, the flyer did mention John Holt. I remember Squeeze flying around the venue with all sorts of Jamaican obscenities because John Holt had some weird passport illegal immigrant thing that non-citizens have wasn’t showing up. As if they were rabbits, Squeeze was able to pull Gregory Isaacs, Frankie Paul, & Nadine Sutherland out of absolutely nowhere.
And I mean nowhere.
Safe to say all Jamaican men make that face.
Anywho, this was the result.
But that’s not the vintage video you came to see. This is.
And that is why Sir Isaacs is known as The Cool Ruler.
Bless.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Chris Brown Did NOT Give The Best MJ Tribute
Yea, I said it.
Perhaps the most talked about/tweeted about moment of the 10th annual BET Awards happened right here:
Though this was the best performance of the night,
Don’t get caught up in C. Brown’s tears. This was not nearly the best MJ tribute ever.
This was.
Did all you [insert 5-letter adjective here]s forget Janet’s demolition at the 2009 VMA’s??
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a Chris Brown “hater” nor am I taking anything away from him. Should he remain imprisoned for the rest of his life? No. I mean, did he cry like that for Rihanna? But Breezy indeed, did rip it.
BUT
Nothing (short of Michael himself) compares to Janet taking the stage with the dancers hand-picked by Michael to appear with him on stage during the “This Is It Tour”. Janet got to dance with her brother again. Every move sharp. Every turn on point coincided perfectly with the “Scream” video (which, happened to be the most expensive music vid ever made– costing over $7mil.)
The performances elicited 2 different responses:
Janet: Goosebumps & tears. Yet again I wept like a baby when Ms. Jackson performed that. You would’ve thought I was at least a third cousin, twice removed.
Chris Brown: Jaw drop. Is this [insert 5-letter adjective here] cryin’ on stage like that? He just gave up. Right there. And let it all out.
For what it’s worth, it was a very emotional moment. Do I condone men weeping for no reason? Nope. Leave that to us women. In this circumstance, it was kind of understood.
Just because he cried does not make it the best Michael Jackson tribute ever.
Any strong display of emotion tends to grip an otherwise skeptical audience, and causes 1 of 2 reactions:
1. Attraction: Appealing to sheer humane emotion, a stronger bond is established between audience and subject:
2. Repulsion: Gets the subject further away from Intent. Usually met by said audience with laughter instead.
In this case, there was a little bit of both. In fact, he just might have saved his career a-la-R.Kelly.
But that’s another post for another time.
Sorry.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Jay-Z’s OTHER Woman
Some things just make a dynamic duo:
// 
Damn
John Stamos makes me hot.
Yep, that’s what I said.
And yes, that is the current John Stamos. All 46 years of him.
I am half his age.
& All the way into him.
I can feel the judgemental glares through the computer screen. I don’t care what you think. Say what you want, this near 50 year old man is hotter than
all of the guys I’m talking to right now
many guys I actually know
Just about 90% of the men I’ve dated, talked to, seen, fondled (intentional or otherwise) had a conversation with, breathed in an elevator near in the last….year or 88.
But I am no novice Kelly-ee.
I’ve always had a thing for older men, dating all the way back to one of my my original crushes;
when he was still going by Puff Daddy. & I wasn’t even in high school yet. So it should come as no surprise that given the opportunity, I’d gladly skinny dip with Mr. Stamospoopopopollrkokojohfshuohgaiyhfvhinvbajshduolous.
Oh yes. Please more.
So what, most of you may know him as just Uncle Jesse from Full House?
I’d like to refer to him as Dr. Hot
mmmmmm. How much fun could you have with that?
….Didn’t I hear somewhere that he was a sex addict?
(Ok, ignore the babies. That’s definitely a mood killer)
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Ms. Officer on Hot 102FM, Jamaica!
Join me as I broadcast weekly inside of Richie B’s Hot Mix every Thursday afternoon @ 4-5PM!!
http://www.jumptv.com/en/channel/hot102fm/
I give you the Entertainment Rundown, where I’m talking about all the hottest, latest (& stupidest) news & gossip of the week from the U.S.! You should not miss this.
It mad!
Big Ups!!! You never know where I’m gonna be next!!!
Every Thursday on Hot 102 FM, Jamaica! Listen Online from anywhere Worldwide!!!
Again:
http://www.jumptv.com/en/channel/hot102fm/
Yay!
Onward & Upward,
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Damn Vol. 4
Haaaaaapy New Year Everybody!
& What better way to celebrate with some Prayer, Blessings & finnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ol’ Laz Alonso?
Oh hell yes.
This fine specimen came about by ways of Washington D.C. via his B.B.S. in Business from Howard University and (successful) career as an investment banker.
& he’s intelligent?
Stop the madness.
Some of you may remember him from various gigs on BET like A.M. @ BET ( I kinda remember that) & NY/LA.
…..did I mention he was Cuban…..
…..& that I have a soft spot for my papis as well….
(Me encanta mis platanos maduros, ya tu sabes!) You ain’t know I was bilingual!
That color is gorgeous on him. He has on an ascot?? & it looks good?? Wtf mannnn u just can’t not look good. Mmmmmmmmm chile! Don’t let him get to speakin’ that Spanish, that’s a recipie for trouble.
So It should come as no surprise that when
came owt, I was feeeeeeeeeeeeenin. Hard. Not to mention the likes of Chris Brown, Brian White & (maybe Columbus Short too) this was a good lookin ass movie.
I can’t control myself.
Oooh papito tell me what to do
I think they shoulda just kept the camera on Laz the entire time. Even if he had nothing to do with the scene, just put him in the back somewhere. Like behind Ne-Yo.
And when
advance screening came out, you best believe I was front row (or middle row rather, it was a movie theatre) center reckless eyeballing the screen.
How bad did I want that towel to come up when he was slidin around on that floor? Chiiiiiiiiiiiiile!
That’s not even right. Laz walkin around topless is equivalent to me going to the supermarket in a bikini. It’s just not right.
But don’t think I think of Laz as just a piece of meat (hahah, no pun intended & yes, we’re on a 1st name basis lol)
I told you he was a brain, right? Listen to what this man is saying:
Belleza
Es la verdad
Me encanta.
Love,
Ms. Officer
