Category Archives: Music Review

Ryan Leslie @ Summerstage & The “Almost” Bodyroll

Ryan Leslie killed Marcus Garvey Park in Harlem.

He’s currently one of the most underrated artists out. 

What was best about the performance was it’s immediacy– no openers, tightly clothed dancers, just Ryan & his piano, (which he barely touched. It made for a nice prop) band.

…Perhaps I fibbed about the lack of dancers. They just happened to be front row, male, and crotch-level with Mr. Leslie.

 

Never have I ever witnessed two grown men giggle like that. Over another grown man.

At any rate,ignore the people walking through the shots take a gander at the performances:

Valentine-

How It Was Supposed To Be-

@2:45- Notice the back up (front up?) dancers.

@ 3:06- That’s not just naked glitter dangling from Ryan’s leg. It’s a Givenchy scarf.

@ 3:10- Dangerously close to a bodyroll. Perilously. Remember the Rules Of BodyRolling.

Everything, Everyday, Everywhere/Start It Up/You Be Killin ‘Em-

Diamond Girl-

 @3:03 Yes, that’s Prince’s Diamonds & Pearls.

No interview– R. Les had a studio session right after the show.  I should sit down with him soon, and we’ll talk about Harvard,  Cassie, Why he’s linked to the NBA lockout, & of course, bodyrolling.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

New Vid: Jay-Z & Kanye West- Otis

Thus began day 7 of The Internets dying all over Watch The Throne.  With the promise of the “Otis” video premiere.

@:06 Careful with that torch. Near the car and all.

@ :23  Much like dentists the tooth fairy, I do not believe in Kanye West welding.

@ :27 Is that a broach?

@ :35 A little bit of hopscotch to begin the vid

@ 1:03 Fronts? Like circa 2000?

@ 1:36 Nice blouse Kanye

@ 1:59 Riding in Maybach with no doors, BUT SEAT BELT SAFETY STILL PREVAILS

@ 2:07 Heheh

@2:26 Have we ever seen Jay-Z so affectionate?

@ 2:34 Aziz Ansari has just realized he came over dressed.

@ 2:36 Also, he can’t dance.

@ 3:10 Consciousness.

Not even The Beyonce herself can make Mr. Carter as happy as Kanye West can.

<3 BFFs 4 Ever

Sick song, sick vid.

As long as this doesn’t go the way of Best of Both Worlds.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Jay-Z

In the spirit of “Watch The Throne” and the internet frenzy it’s ensued, I’d figured I’d attract more traffic by simply having that phrase appear here, alongside the word “download”.

“Watch The Throne”

“Download”

“Watch The Throne”

“Download”

“WTT”

“Download”

Whilst I conduct this experiment, you can take a trip back in time to a point where Kanye & Jay weren’t yet Bff’s, in one of my nostalgia favorites:

-When Timbaland still had Ballpark Frank neck.

-When Pamela Anderson was in that show V.I.P.

- @ 2:17 He probably slept with her.

-When it was cool for Eddie Murphy to play every part in a movie

-B.J. :Get your filth-ridden minds out of the gutter Before Jayonce

-Before SuperHead wrote a book describing every Negro male in this video

-Before Amil was banished from the ROC & NEVER TO BE SPOKEN OF AGAIN

Those were the good ol’ days.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

New Vid: Chris Brown- Beautiful People

Excatly 1 day after ABC Good Morning AmericaGate & his F.A.M.E. album release, and his appearance table dancing on Tosh.0

 comes C-Breezy’s newest video for his single “Beautiful People.”  I told you way back when this was going to be a hit.

@ :05 “Come on, Let’s ride our scooters like it’s 2007!”

@ :08 “Also, I like your leopard-print man threads. You dressed yourself?”

@ :37 He’s hot.

@ :41-:44 That’s exactly what I see when I listen to this song repeatedly.

@ :59 The Game face- tattoo beautiful

@ 1:01 Bow-Wow sexuality- questionable beautiful

@ 1:12 Chubby-ish guy on the drums beautiful

@ 1:15 Tyga alarmingly-skinny- beautiful

@ 1:16 Estelle Not-really0sure-how-much-I-like-her-songs beautiful

@1 :22 T-Pain is especially beautiful with his bangs sticking out

@ 1:25 When will T-Pain realize he can’t dance like people who can really dance?

@ 1:30 Well, Nelly really is beautiful

@ 1:33 That James Harden-esque beard is just obnoxious.

@ 1:48 “I wore this, I’m gonna get the most out of it.”

@ 1:57 Dallas Austin is questionable-past beautiful

@ 1:59 Diddy is beautiful

@ 2:01 Omarion is still alive beautiful

@ 2:10 Brandy is beautiful

@ 2:13 Pharell is kind-of-Asian-y-but-Black- beautiful

@ 2:22 If he starts bodyrolling, it’s over.

@ 2:25 T-Pain stop it, you can’t do that.

@ 2:44 Either Nazis…or mass fist pumpers

@ 2:49 Let the beat build.

@ 2:55 Timbaland ridiculous- beat- maker- beautiful

So basically this was a message from Chris saying, “Look at me and all my celebrity friends, they all think this song is amazing. And I’m filiming them dance to it.”

Good grief do I love this f*ckin song.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Drag-On

Where the hell is he?

Oh. Twitter.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Houston

This used to be the song. It

-Started parties

-Went well with alcohol

-Provoked Nyisha & I to dance on top of tables while Dan The Man walked in on us.

-Had The Hookmaster Nate Dogg

and by far the best selling point, displayed Chingy in lumberjack overalls.

“I Like That”  was big  in 2004 and Houston had a pretty good follow up single in “Ain’t Nothin”.  But then he gouged his own eyEball out, so it got weird.

Nonetheless, it’s good to reminisce on fun times.

P.S: 2004 was 7 years ago. And you were using this

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- The Notorious B. I.G.

You know exactly why.

For the numerous times I’d sneak to watch Video Music Box and recite these lyrics vebatim. AS  A CHILD.

And swing my glass of apple juice in the air like (then) Puffy did in the hot tub. AS A CHILD.

One of the best to ever do it,

Undoubtedly.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

New Vid: Dr. Dre Feat. Eminem & Skylar Grey- I Need A Doctor

Here it is. If you have circa 8 minutes.

@:01 Do you remember what you were doing on February 18th 2001?

@ :05 Beautiful.

@ :14 He looks mad

@ :34 Oh snap.

@ :41

“Straight outta Lo-Cash! A Crazy Motha*cka Named Gusto! I ****ed ya wife ‘cuz the ****h is a big hoe! I ****ed your mother, I ****ed your cat!”

@ 1:06 There’s a pit forming in my stomach.

@1:10 Product placement #1 here

@ 1:50 Oh crap this is not good for my nerves

@ 2:35 So…Eminiem’s just not going to age, huh?

@ 2:58 This feels like the Kanye West moving painting video

@3: 38 Preach.

@ 4:21 “Drop product placement #2 here”

@ 4:29 She doesn’t look how she sounds. I was more or less expecting her to look like this:

…all of them.

@ 4:34 What’s Dre’s obsession with this? #WaltDisneyTreatment

@5:38 So… Dre’s not gonna let the Stewie Griffin go, huh?

@ 5:53 “Enter product placement #3 here”

@ 6:08 Activate. Shape of…Melle Mel

@ 6:31 Pectorals of….Powdered Toast Man

@7:32 Whoa.

Glad Dr. Dre is back.

Even if he is extraordinarily enormous.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

BHM: Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Bob Marley

This is an offering I wrote for author extraordinaire Jeff Pearlman earlier this month. He featured it on his blog, read + comment here. On the last “Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesday” of Black History Month, I decided it was appropriate to revisit.

 

On a Flatbush block in Brooklyn, in a building that commands fresh hedges and pansies every Spring, I was 9 when my mother & I lived on the 5th floor.  Weekend mornings announced themselves in the form of a Bob Marley baseline, The Wailers on the chorus. Sunbeams pierced the blinds and made their way through the makeshift living room greenhouse. In the Summer, these same beams shared roids with Clemens.

My mother hardly found these days as enchanting.  Instead it was “the fat boy upstairs, his [Insert 5-letter expletive here] girlfriend, and their music again.” Pretty pansies, crappy soundproofing. It never bothered me so much, I almost looked forward to the selection he’d play.  Maybe it’s different because an adult’s head can take less aggravation than that of a child’s.

Funny, that exchange of pulsating speakers and red broom scuff marks on the ceiling still remind me of weekend mornings with my mom. Bacon was always the co-star.

Marley would re-introduce himself in private school and college as tapestry on the walls of blonde boys. Eyebrows and hairlines met when they’d learned this (half) Jamaican did not smoke. Marley became the international symbol for Mari-joo-wana. Had this been the most significant memory of a man who introduced reggae, the pulse of a tiny sun-drenched isle to the entire world, and became it’s 1st international pop star? (Attention Snow, your thanks & apologies to the Marley family are in order) Had this been all they remembered of the revolutionary from St. Ann, JA, at a time where poverty & injustice were only to be seen & endured?

No.

Norman Manley.

Robert Nesta Marley.

My Father.

Clifton Officer is “one of those things unlike the other”, the improbable mention among these visionaries.

Currently the proudest Jamaican on Earth, I was made to believe the the Sun rose, set, and was created on the banks of Ocho Rios.

“Dem kall ‘im Robert Nesta Marley. Di won di baddest ting fi evar come from Jamaica. Nuh tru?”

One never dissents from such vigor.

“Jamaica ‘ave di best music, di best food, di most beautiful ‘oman … youh never did see anyting suh. Pass mi Red Stripe.”

I nod and smile, he is talking to 6-year old me.

Buried underneath worries of a cheerleader-less Super Bowl & Sarah Palin’s incompetence Reagan’s 100th speeches lies Black History Month, and a birthday that would have been Marley’s 66th. A section of Brooklyn’s Church Ave. (where it meets Nostrand and stretches to 98th st.) was re-named “Bob Marley Boulevard” in 2006. His music resounds here, and still remains relevant today:

- According to iTunes Reggae, he’s on top of the charts in 19 countries, including Germany, Australia, France, Spain, Greece, Iceland & Switzerland. (Yes, the U.S. is included.)

- Bob Marley & The Wailers’ Legend has sold 25 million worldwide, (13.5 in the U.S.) it’s. the biggest selling Reggae album in history.

- According to Billboard, this is the 962nd week Legend has charted, the 2nd longest ever. (Pink Flloyd’s Dark Side Of The Moon is #1 at 990.)

- Last year a CNN poll of Global icons noted Marley as one of the Top 5.

Certainly all of this is no match to his actual contributions, just accolades that accompany the terriotry.  You would need Oprah’s OWN, MTV, BET, VH1Soul, TV1 & The History Channel for an entire week to showcase this man’s influence, but hopefully everyone can identify their own Marley memories that elicit smiles. Or Tye Dye.

Here’s my favorite.

 

Love,

*Ms. Officer

BHM: Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Anita Baker

Never in all my life have I heard a voice like this.

On a sunny Sunday, I was 3 when my mother handed me my very 1st cassette tape. Assembled by her coworker, the white label simply read “Anita Baker”.

Assuming my usual position, perched between the TV & radio, she popped it in.

I never looked back.

This was the perfect addition to “Sunday Morning Classics with Hal Jackson on W-B-L-S”. Or at least to their commercial breaks.

This is probably why I love to refer to Anita Baker as “The Woman of All Women”.  When you look at her, you see nothing less than a lady. Her voice is strong but soothing– today she could compose a song proclaiming 4Loko tastes like Chardonnay…I’d be hauling a case of the for-some-reason-still-legal-and-sold-in-NYC-who’s-getting-arrested-for-this-crap back to my apartment for consumption.

Please overlook the fact that I’ve managed to mention drugs & Ms. Baker in the same sentence.

What’s written here could never compare to her impact on music & it’s quality. She is a legend. And she performed in Brooklyn:

It was nothing short of amazing.

8. The number of Grammy awards she’s amassed.

4. The number of platinum albums she has.

2. The number of times she’s gone gold.

Let’s not forget her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Time to drift off to a simpler time, listening to my favorite female singer.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Top 5 Songs Of The Week, 2/14

5. Snoop Dogg Feat. Devin The Dude & Kobe- I Don’t Need

If  you guessed there was a curse word after “Need”, you’d be right.  Let’s focus on Kobe for a minute. No, not that Kobe,

but the same one featured on one of my all-time favorite songs, Eminem’s “Talkin’ 2 Myself”.

Apparently there has been a lot of confusion between this Chicagoian & Bryant’s dreadful raps. Kobe Kokilla only has a myspace (which I can’t fully see–I can no longer recall the my___ password) and a Twitter. But of course.

4. Chris Brown- Hands Up High

Techno- Chris Brown > R&B sing/rap-but-kinda-raps-more-than-sings Chris Brown.

3. Eminem- Oh No (Courtesy RocDizMusic)

Em is ill. Oh, and for doing this too:

2. Kidz In The Hall Feat. One Chance & Tabi Bonney- Star

 

A wee bit reminiscent, instrumental-wise, of Camp-lo . Maybe elements of the same sample?

1. Snoop Dogg Feat. Jim Jones & Shawty Lo- Wet (G-Mix)

On an ordinary day this is a hot song. Jim Jones only enhances it. And that is what a “G-Mix” is supposed to do, until, of course, Shawty Lo comes along.  At any rate, that won’t stop it from blaring in the strip clubs.

Congrats to Uncle Snoop for not only comprising 40% of this week’s countdown, but for finally knocking Em out of the top spot.

A toast.

 

*Bonus*

Esther Dean- One Piece

That is all.

 

Love,

*Ms. Officer

BHM:Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Dennis Brown

February 1st.

If Robert Nesta Marley is the King, the Crowned Prince, (declared by Marley himself) is Dennis Emmanuel Brown. 

This legendary reggae crooner began singing at 11 years old and continued on to record 75 albums.  Many of you have seen the passion with which I’ve written about Bob Marley for my Black History Month Selection on JeffPearlman.com…

My memories of Brown began while sifting through a pile of records exceeding my own 6 year old height. They belonged to my father, we sat one afternoon in his Crown Heights abode.

“What’s this?” I am holding up one of the squares. It’s red.

He smiles. “Dennis Brown! ‘im baaadd yuh know.”

My mother, too, expressed this sentiment not in so many words.

In the middle of the brown carpet, on a Saturday night, any Saturday night, Donna would scoop me from in front of the television and into her arms. A sound akin to a streefighting cat best describes her singing. What beats and rhythms she hears I still don’t know, they most certainly never match what’s playing.

“Stop dancing me!” I’d protest.

Did I think this helped? The feline’s pain increased, as evidenced by it’s louder volume.

Sooner or later I’d succumb.

 She would not let me go.

She continued to squeal.

Thankfully Dennis Brown’s velvety voice would eventually prevail.

Have you ever beeeen innnn looove”

Uh oh, here comes the high note.

Beeefffooooooooo-ooore!”

Years later I’d stumble back across this song on old cassette tapes, seredipitously looking for something else. I suppose this is the feeling classic music invokes, it sets you directly into the memory, as if it really isn’t a memory at all.

Dennis Brown is undoubtebly one of my favorite the best artists ever to grace a stage.

I’m glad NPR recognized this as well.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Top 5 Songs of The Week, 2/7

Here we are again, wiping the

Black

Green

Lil’ Wayne

Who the f*ck cares & Yellow Superbowl residue off our brows.

Hopefully this means the (albeit slow) death of that song.

In the meanwhile, allow me to present a much needed reprieve from all of that crap.

Music Submissions: MsOfficerBlog@gmail.com

5. Usher Feat. Kam Parker- Monster (DL)

Usher often imagines himself as some sort of monster.

Yesterday his fantasy came true, in the form of a guest of dismal Superbowl XLV performers & government conspiracy + a Filipino, The Black Eyed Peas.

Way too much is going on in this track– Kenny G, the Carribean, & electricity, but this might be why I like it.

(Check the guy who couldn’t wait to get that look @ Usher’s crotch).

4. Nick Carter- Falling Down (DL)

As unlikely a candidate for a spot on this countdown as anyone. 1/17 of the Wackstreet Boys has an album out called “Taking Off”. What bothers me most is this comes in over Usher. Calling all monkeys: Please send your music submissions to MsOfficerBlog@gmail.com.

3. Ne-Yo- Dance For Me (DL)

Hard as it is to imagine Ne-Yo in a straight strip club, I can imagine this being utilized there.

2. DMX- A Change Is Gonna Come (Prod. By Swizz Beats) (DL)

DMX has been the subject of much good-natured ribbing on this site.

But this is the X that we like to see.

The Sam Cooke sample does Earl Simmons good.

If it takes Swizz Beaks to bring it out of him…so be it.

1. Eminem Feat. Jazmine Sullvan- Cocaine (DL)

Em is just ridiculous. He really is. Usually Sullivan bores me, but not here. I’d actually decided I like her better on other people’s hooks than to listen to her on her own. Hmph.

*Bonus*

Kelly Rowland- Just Whisper (DL)

King Ralio Feat. Erica Singer- Ride (Instrumental w/ Hook) (DL)

Erica is just a darling. Even though it is just an instrumental, it’s not because she’s on the…you guessed it, hook. A little Rihanna-esque, Ms. Singer sounds so good. So do your own  song!

P.S. Those new T-Pain songs (w/ & w/out Chris Brown) are terrible. So you won’t find them here.

I’ve missed you.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays- Raheem DeVaughn

It pains me to even compose this post featuring this man’s name, because he hasn’t been around that long.

…Or has he?

He hasn’t.

2006 was 5 years ago.

2006 was 5 years ago.

Raheem’s first album (not mixtape) was released in 2005, but this song, ohhhh this song had been making it’s rounds on VH1 Soul for months. The funny thing is I refused to watch the video because I felt he resembled a bootleg Ludacris, and I was not to stand for it.

One summer ’06 afternoon in while perched atop my bed in West Village C, (Huskies Only)

the sun sparkled through my blinds

the pigeons danced on window sills of the projects across the street

and the remote

…was on my desk.

3 1/2 half feet out of arm’s reach. My TV would remain on 54. I was to remain a prisoner of Raheem’s for the next 3:48.

Oh God, I was immediately taken.

From this I learned 2 things:

1. Don’t judge someone by their looks.

-Unless they’re a Negro. Over 21. With braids. And not Raheem Devaughn.

Duly Noted.

2. The Indian-y girl’s mouth bothered me. Or maybe it was just her altogether.

Needless to say this man is an amazing talent and I support him whenever I can. With that said, the “Raheem DeVaughning” has begun…& I’m deeply ensconced in everything  from “The Love Experience” to present.

So thank you, young Negro from the DMV. I love your music. And the nostalgia it brings.

Reunited & it feels so good.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

A Bobby Valentino Listening Event & Review: Fly On The Wall

I sauntered into Virgin Records to listen to Bobby Valentino’s new album, Fly On The Wall.  Like you, I immediately thought of

But it’s not.

R &B’s favorite guy-that’s-not-Trey-Songz-so-he-doesn’t-go-topless is giving you his 4th effort, allegedly on March 22nd.

Once the Moet was poured & I’d consumed a respectable amount of chocolate strawberries before others recognized the true hippo that I am, we are ushered into a dimly lit room where a piano supports 3 tiny candles. If he doesn’t play, this is one hell of a prop.

A red bowtie takes front & center, introduces himself as Michael, and an eager Bobby V races in.   His red Jordan 4′s lift him onto a stool.

Guess who was sitting front row, center seat.

Against my own will.

My biggest regret for sitting there came about 20 minutes in, when I retrieved a pack of gum from my purse satchel. I share, then bend down to put it back when a small palm appears before me. It belongs to the guest of honor. I deposit one cube, nod & smile.

My theory holds true, gum doesn’t stand a chance around Black people.

Valentino signals to the back of the room and “Words” begins to play.

It’s his current single, & #2 on the track listing. You can automatically tell this has been produced by Tim & Bob, those are his go to guys, and it usually works out. Not so much this time.

We go seamlessly through the rest of the CD, until we come to #8, “L-O-V-E”.  Valentino pauses here and explains the techno-y song, saying that he did it because that “udst-udst-udst” sound is popular.  He made it a point to mention he really went out of his lane on this one. I wasn’t expecting David Guetta, but what I got was…a song not that different from anything else Bobby V sings. What I got was… a song not that different from “Anonymous”.

Other producers– Jeff B, The Pentagon (formerly The Underdogs), & L.O.S. –belt out some decent records. Yet this, like his others, is mostly a Tim & Bob project. Bobby finally elaborated his obsession loyalty to these cats: When he first stared out (circa Mista), they’d been working with Tim.  When BV reappeared in the industry Tim housed him for about a year in L.A., while they worked together.

So there you have it.

Listen to/DL Bobby V- Good Girls:

Of the 14 cuts, 3 stood out:

#4. If I Can’t Have You

#7. “Heaven”

# 9. “Altered Ego” Feat. 50 Cent

**Disclaimer: All song titles will be spelled correctly, i.e. “you” instead of “u”, “love” instead of “luv” unless otherwise noted by artist. If you feel this is a large enough problem to question me, choke yourself.**

If he releases  either of the remaining 2 as singles, he can do pretty well.

Overall, I like Bobby Valentino as an artist.  He just plays it too safe– if he pushes himself just a little bit more, he’ll get that mainstream big hit.

So do that, Bobby V. Do that.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

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