Category Archives: Hilarity
Hilarity Pt. 41- Elderly Fist Fight
The following is proof that when you initially get mad at someone, YOU SHOULD STAY MAD
Meet Angelo Mosca & Joe Kapp. The fossils were attending an alumni luncheon for the Canadian Football leauge, when the scuffle erupted. Kapp, 73, punched & Moasca, 74 after the host told him to extend an olive branch to his longtime rival.
The two haven’t stood each other since 1963, when Mosca made a controversial hit on Kapp’s teammate, Willie Flemming, that took him out of the game.
Good to know that people meaty sports bouts never really die.
Especially not in Canada.
Because they have universal health care.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 40- Iranian Ass Grab
American male athletes love each other’s asses. They demonstrate just how much in every major U.S. sport:
Doesn’t look like A-Rod is falling from the precipice of anything, but it does seem he prefers to be firmly entranced guided by Derek Jeter’s butt.
In Rodriguez’s defense, IT IS A SUPERBLY HYPNOTIZING ASS.
Sheffield may or may not agree.
We all know Shaq is into this:
…Then there’s the NFL…
implementing the “grab and plow”.
Yet all of this somehow pales in comparison to an Iranian soccer team’s celebration of a win:
@ :14 #6′s hand almost fully disappears into #13′s ass. #13, realizing the foreign object, sweeps his teammate’s hand away.
This replays in every kind of “mo” (pun intended) throughout the remainder of the video.
Perspolis players Mohammad Norsati and Sheys Rezaei have not only been fined $40,000, but suspended from the league.
That’s exactly what an on-feild colonoscopy gets you.
And nighttime visits from Kobe.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 26 : REPBULICAN EDITION
On the heels of last night’s rancid Republican debates, I made some astonishing realizations:
- Oh sh*t we are in trouble because (one) of these is the potential Republican nominee.
- There is an awful lot of sexual tension between Mitt Romney & Rick Perry.
- Oh sh*t I dropped a peice of bacon.
- This entire thing is sh*ttily and blatantly racist
Equal parts fear and hilarity moved through me whilst I watched 63 old White men, 1 ex- Rhythym Nation extra & the Token Negro “debate”.
Certainly I could not listen to Ron Paul whine,
but I did notice that he looked remarkably like
none other than
Former star of Road Trip,
and not really a DJ even though his initials are D.J.,
DJ QUALLS
Or,
Will look like Ron Paul
IN APROXIMATELY 388 YEARS
Oh, but that’s not all folks.
YOU GET TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE TODAY
The lone Negro here,furthering our race’s setbacks with those comments Herman Cain,
Looks much too much like one of my favorite people
Martin Lawrence
BY THIS ADMISSION, HAS HERMAN CAIN RUINED THE RERUNS OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS?
PERHAPS.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Heat Lose Bulls Game, Win The Crying Game
Just to clarify– They only specified no crying in baseball.
Says Erik Spoelstra of his team after last night’s loss vs. Chi:
and after a misspelled Dwyane Wade basically fessed up later on in that interview…
I WONDER WHO’S LEFT
This was Bosh mere days ago after the loss vs. Orlando, when they blew a 24 point lead in the 2nd half. That sucks. Especially since they can’t pull it together against their main competitors in the East- Boston, Chicago, & Orlando. Somehow, they remain #3 in the region’s standings.
But this Bulls loss came as the result of a(nother) last second failed buzzer beater by Wade– The Heat are 1-7 when down by 3 points or less in these situations.
If this “team” wants to not get knocked out of round 1 of the playoffs by a possible #6 seed (i.e. Knicks), they’re going to have to:
1. figure out who the leader is
2. pass him the rock in clutch situations
3. get a coach they’ll listen to
4. not cry about losing games on or off camera
Spoelstra was probably just trying to show how much passion his players have, but it backfired– revealing the supply of rattles & Gerber available to them post game.
Whatever, this is funny.
Just to show they’re not alone, I’ve assembled a special edition Miami Heat playlist:
Ja Rule- I Cry
Most anything by Ja Rule would suffice. But definitely this.
Obie Trice- Cry Now
Pretty much nailed it @ :15.
Mary J. Blige- Not Gon’ Cry
…Or they could take the opposite approach…and Exhale.
Justin Timberlake- Cry Me A River
So obvious. So Poingnant.
Bob Marley- No Woman No Cry
No Chris Bosh, No Cry.
After all that fanfare,
And sh*t they were talking, these guys should be able to step up and pull it together. They need time to gel, but…
They look as out of control as
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 39- Sarah Palin Is Good Masturbation Material
At least according to America’s favorite self- toucher, Tracy Morgan:
This came during TNT’s Knicks/Heat (#BeattheHeat) pregame when Barkley commented that this ballsack Sarah Palin was pretty.
Tracy’s always good for the hearty laugh.
Then TNT issued an apology.
Not that anyone cared.
Not that this one line was funnier than his most recent comedy special.
Not that this action will ever stop Morgan’s insanity
…or his thoughts of Alaska’s former governor accompanied by Vaseline.
Aight, chief.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 38: Wiz Khalifa Feat. Vinny from Jersey Shore- Black & Guido
This exists.
@ :01 Black & Guido by Vinny LadyGagagadino
@ :06 I’d like to solve the puzzle Pat? Freshly Waxed, Abrasive Eyebrows!
@ :17 If I turn this hat around, I’ll look like Jay-Z in the “New York Video”. And my hat is Black too.
@ :28 Step 1: Meet Black Girl. Step 2: Complement butt. Step 3: Tell her inevitable bird friends “stop hay-in”. Then all Black guys will like that.
@ :38 They’re going crazy cuz I’m White & She’s Black. It’s like it’s never been done before. Legally. Like pre- 1967.
@ :39 See? Color doesn’t matter. Because Vinny said so.
@ :45 If an actual Negro comes by, his Black approval will be sealed.
@ :53 Funny, I introduce myself to every White male I meet by saying “Aye, don’t u see my skin’s brown?”. Comes right before my name.
@ :54 That’s usually the response.
@ 1:14 So if Ciara & Kerry Wash (ington) are watching, Vinny likes you. Check yes, no, or maybe.
@ 1:34 Eb-on-y & I-vo-ry go together in perfect har-mo-ny
@ 1:40 Bouncing around with even more guys definitely helps his case.
@ 1:41 Glad everyone remembered the uniform. “Wear something Black, but your hat has to be black.”
@ 1:51 There are a lot of halfie Black & Guido heroes. Denzel, for one, Al Pacino, for another. He’s right. They made a great couple.
@ 2:01 Pirouettes always drive points home.
@ 2:14 Yay! More men for the now equally raced frank & bean party!
@ 2:16 These hats are really doing the trick. I see this is the effect they were going for.
@ 2:53 Uh-oh the fat one didn’t get the memo
@ 3:16 It’s like an all-male mostly Italian rainbow
@ 3:28 The dog = representation of Buido love. (Please give me credit once you outsource this word)
@ 3:42 I half expect this guy in the right hand corner to blow a kiss.
And now I know what “Chillin’ wit my boyz” means.
The Jon B. Effect just doesn’t apply here. See Chapter 1: Robin Thicke’s Father Was The Father On Growing Pains for further reference.
The question still remains:
Hilarity Pt. 37- Suicide Note: Coolio’s Hairline
Happy New Year!
I owe you an explanation:
It’s been a difficult end to the year, with many personal things going on. I needed to step away from many things and people, but I am putting myself back together slowly. With that said, many of you have been asking threatening me for a new post via every mode of communication, save pigeon messages. Let’s start the New Year off with some laughter 
Neglected. Ignored. Disrespected. In favor of weed & white powdered treats.
Could you imagine what it was like to be Coolio’s hairline? Always covered up from the abuse? Constantly receding?
Once upon a time the rapper’s trademark,
it certainly showed us the warning signs over the years.
One day it just became too much. That day is now.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While performing at the Metromix New Years Eve party in Atlanta,
his hairline was not in attendance.
RIP Coolio’s follicles, Whenever he was born-Whenever he started doing drugs.
10 years in the slammer for the rapper. He’s on the loose and shows no signs of slowing since witnessing his hairline taking it’s own life. 10 more for reckless endangerment of a hoop earring.
I can say this because while washing my own hair a few days ago quite a few bits made their own revolt. This makes me an authority on the subject.
Steve Harvey’s weave > this.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 36- The Fat Chick & The Swing
You’ve probably seen this on Tosh.0. If you haven’t, welcome. If you have, rewelcome.
@ :01 Clearly this Negro is sitting atop the swing to serve as a counterweight. But if it goes down, he’s going down with her.
@ :07 What was the exchange (verbal or perhaps otherwise) before he agreed to push her?
@ :14 Here it comes…
By far the best part of this video is when the lethargic voice behind the camera gingerly tiptoes over & goes “Oooh. You ok?”
Meanwhile heifer’s muffin top is happy to finally be outside, chillin with everybody else.
If this
=
this
Naturally, the response is…
more please.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 35: Like A Bosh
Ever bought something and you thought it was going to be rad, but then it sucked? That’s basically what they’re saying happened with the Miami Heat Chris Bosh.
Hah! No Miami’s not playing up to their potential, but they’re still new. Here are all their tacky nicknames:
-Miami Thrice
-MV3
-Heatwave
-The Golden Girls
No matter the name, Bosh is definitely the 3rd wheel on the Wade/James caravan of love.
Whatever, I’m a Celtic/Knick fan.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Where The Hell Did Time Go Wednesdays: Redman
This was amazing.
@ :25 Fat chicks make anything funny. No one else was putting them in the videos with spandex. At all.
@ :55 I don’t remember ever seeing that many Black Victoria’s Secret Models. Evar.
@ 1:10 Big Kap hasn’t aged since ’98
@ 1:13 I remember wanting to be 18 so I could send a COD.
@ 1:16 Channel 11 used to show The Wayans Brothers. Still don’t get why they canceled it?
@ 1:34 Who else remembers when channel 43 used to be BET? When it used to be good show Comicview?
@ 1:54 Who else remembers when channel 29 used to be MTV?
@ 1:61 Wasn’t channel 61 one of those weird foreign type of deals?
@ 2:14 Why bicycles are completely f*ckin stupid & pointless
@ 2:35 That little dude’s face with the plaid jacket is priceless
@ 3:17 If I tried that at home I would’ve gotten my ass whoooped
@ 3:29 It was comforting to know Red really did live like that. As per his “Cribs” episode.
Redman was the funniest 73rd member of Wu-Tang evar.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 33- The Wheel of Fortune Miracle
Ok, not really. The video itself is entertaining (hence, “Game Show”) but not as funny as Pat Sajak himself.
@ :03 The stoic face of a man who’s been doing this way too long.
@ :26 This *sshole guessed the only other letter not in the puzzle. They never use “q”. Everyone knows that.
@ :43 Pat “pretends” not to hear that she’s asked to solve.
@ :44 The pause is wayyyy more valuable than anything else he could’ve ever said in that moment.
@ :54 That’s pretty f*ckin rad. But not impossible. Wheel of Fortune is just a process of elimination, so by default phrases such as
“I’m gonna git u sucka”
“I’ma whoop yo’ ass”
“I’ll have your money by Friday”
are out of the question because
a.) There’s an “l”
b.) There’s an “r”
Thus arriving at the only other logical choice, “I’ve got a good feeling about this”.
@ 1:01 Look @ the same *sshole from :26 eyeballing this chick. He is saltier than Barnyard Chicken.
@ 1:09 Pat Sajak’s gut makes a guest appearance for the special event
@ 1:24 It’s not funny the 4th time. We heard you the 1st three.
Indeed.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
New Vid: Geezer Vs. Geezer- MC Hammer Disses Jay-Z in New Track
Who else was completely unaware MC Hammer was still alive in a sparring match with Jiggaman?
“Hammer went broke, so you know I’m more focused/I lost 30 mil’, so I spent another 30/’Cause unlike Hammer, 30 million can’t hurt me.- Jay-Z on Kanye West’s “So Appalled”
@ :01 At least this is in HD.
@ 1:07 Who’s idea was it for a close up on Hammer while he licked his lips??
@ 1:08 Why is this office sh*t so long?
@ 1:38 This is an extreme case of Moobs. Yes. Man boobs. Gimmie my credit on that word when you outsource it.
@ 1:45 BWHAHAHAH Those shirts are obnoxious
@ 1:53 Ciara?
@ 2:16 Did he just tweek?
@ 2:44 That is not the least bit intimidating.
@ 2:27 Enough of Ciara’s solo now.
@ 3:24You can tell that was one of those lines he thought was really clever. Probably exclaimed “Oh Dip!”
P.S.: Didn’t Jay sell Rocawear a couple of years ago?
@ 3:35 Is Stanley Kirk Burell even from N.Y.? That’s what I thought.
@ 4:35 In Jay’s defense, he’s not that fat.
I kinda want Jay-Z to respond to this. Not, in like, a Super Ugly type of way…but in like an “I know this is sh*tty & I just wanted to let you know that I’m aware it exists and I think this is sh*tty” type of way.
If that doesn’t work out, he can always just play with himself.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilartiy Pt. 32- You & Antonie Dodson Can Hunt Sex Offfenders W/ His App
Just so you’re sure I didn’t make this up, here’s the proof:
I just have a slight problem with his teeth gums in this video.
“Bay-sick-lee” The moral of the story is, this Negro won’t stop. And why should he? He’s only living the American Dream.
Follow these 10 easy steps, and you can too:
1. Get sh*t on by the government and live in poor housing
2. Almost get raped and killed there
3. Don’t pay attention during English class in school, then demonstrate that on local TV & the worldwide internets
4. Make sure the police don’t actually catch the intruder so you can have material for your next video
5. Sell costumes of yourself to White kids who’ve never “touched Black hair”
6. Get some coc*sucker to tattoo Antoine Dodson on his arm
7. Have BET to call to perform “The Bed Intruder Song” on the Hip-Hop Awards because there aren’t many good rappers left
8. Come back to 106 & Peezy & do it again
9. Sit back & make a lot of money off of a lot of bulls*t
10. Maybe find a date from the sex tracker thingy
I ain’t mad @ it.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 31- This Hockey Beatdown Is A Little Funnier Than The Others
A Hockey fight. Nothing new, right?
Wrong. This one appears to have a beautifully coordinated dance sequence, much like one we’ve seen before:
Derek Boogaard & Colton Orr swirl around the ice in harmony, and so do the refs.
Gloves off, people.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Hilarity Pt. 30- The Weather Is A Dick
A weather report from San Angelo, Texas goes horribly awry. Horribly. Awry.
Perhaps the most important part of this is not the weatherc*ck’s appearance. It’s a fleeting look of ecstasy appears over this man’s face @ :12.
How did this happen?
Who cares. It’s about time listening to these things got interesting. An overtly sexualized map? How come no one thought of this before? Take note, Weather Channel.
By far the best comment on this vid: “Mexico is going to be hot & sticky”
Who doesn’t appreciate naturally occurring penis shaped things?
Indeed.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
