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Category Archives: Everyone Looks The Same To Me
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 26 : REPBULICAN EDITION
On the heels of last night’s rancid Republican debates, I made some astonishing realizations:
- Oh sh*t we are in trouble because (one) of these is the potential Republican nominee.
- There is an awful lot of sexual tension between Mitt Romney & Rick Perry.
- Oh sh*t I dropped a peice of bacon.
- This entire thing is sh*ttily and blatantly racist
Equal parts fear and hilarity moved through me whilst I watched 63 old White men, 1 ex- Rhythym Nation extra & the Token Negro “debate”.
Certainly I could not listen to Ron Paul whine,
but I did notice that he looked remarkably like
none other than
Former star of Road Trip,
and not really a DJ even though his initials are D.J.,
DJ QUALLS
Or,
Will look like Ron Paul
IN APROXIMATELY 388 YEARS
Oh, but that’s not all folks.
YOU GET TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE TODAY
The lone Negro here,furthering our race’s setbacks with those comments Herman Cain,
Looks much too much like one of my favorite people
Martin Lawrence
BY THIS ADMISSION, HAS HERMAN CAIN RUINED THE RERUNS OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS?
PERHAPS.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
NY Rep. Christopher Lee Wants You To Know He Sexts Too
Everyone Looks The Same To Me.
Christopher Lee Sexting
Atlanta sicko sexter Eddie Long.
Craigslist, notorious playground for psycos, stalkers &…sexters spawned this NY rep. to deliver a topless picture of himself to…a W4M.
Christoper Lee is a 46 year-old Buffalo area Republican who
-Takes pride in his graying chest hair
-Likes to take photos in front of his children’s completed puzzles
-Wants you to admire his bulging flex.
Or growing fist pump.
Or b*tchin’ bod.
If I had a bottle of pasta sauce that was being troublesome, I wouldn’t nominate he open it for me.
No worries, buffalo in Buffalo, he resigned and apologized immediately after the pics & “flirty” e-mails were released. The 34 year-old unidentified recipent was looking to get herself stuffed inside someone’s freezer by using Craigslist for proof the creepesters men on the site did not “look like toads”.
Instead of just announcing himself as “I’m married Rep. Christopher Lee. My pic is up on my site that ends in house.gov, so you know I’m legit. That’s me in front of the White House. If you like, press yes if you think I don’t look like a toad.” He chose to wow her. With this. And his use of the most nauseating emoticon 
“”Hope I’m not a toad. i’m a very fit fun classy guy,” he wrote. “6ft 190lbs blond/blue. 39. Lobbyist. I promise not to disappoint anyone but my family and my constituents. And my district.”
(Quote courtesy NY Daily News)
Certainly these types of scandals are not new because of the internet. They’re everybody’s business because of the internet.
Mission accomplished. I’m glad he looks up to people who too have walked similar roads, like former NY rep Eric Massa.
“W. 19. Black/Dark Brown. I hoe I don’t look like a toad.”
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 25 – World Series Edition
This version of The World Series was brought to you by the letter N For:
-Nobody Cares
-Nobody’s Watching
and
-New York didn’t get to see 3/4 of the games.
Thank You.
Low ratings, MNF, DWTS (as much as I hate to even acknowledge that) and a Cablevision/Fox co*kfight all were major contributing factors to the lowest rated World Series game in history. No East Coast/West Coast beef. Figures San Fran wanted to wrap this up tonight and stop the bleeding of West Snoozefest ’10.
Nonetheless, I paid attention. And I have been. I noticed the crazy in Brian Wilson‘s eyes.
It also didn’t help that I’d just finished watching The Hangover for the 78th time.
That’s when it made sense:
The masses have been tricked. There is no such thing as Brian Wilson, just Zack Galfiniakis on a baseball field.
I’m surprised he got away with it this long.
-Bonus-
At least The Beard has a World Series win to show for it, which makes this true.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 24
Week 6 in the NFL is underway this weekend, but it’s the 1st game of the season for dark-bar-attender-almost-underage-girl-troublemaker Ben Roethlisberger. The quarterback will return to his position this Sunday against the Cleveland Browns.
While watching a piece on him last night, I noticed something.
in some most angles looks like
It’s true. See?
So we can deduce that Roethlisberger had a stint on SNL and Ferrell took the rap for Big Ben…which is why it’s been a minute he’s been in anything since The Other Guys.
I hope you get it.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 23
No matter what the sentiment is,
World Cup
Lakers
Celtics
Both coasts can agree that tonight is a pivotal game. Fresh off of Sunday night’s sick win against the L.A. Fakers Lakers, The Celtics can do what they did in ’08 to Kobe-n-dem:
Even though The Celts will be in the City of Angels tonight, they have a tiny firecracker they pack when they need that “home court advantage” feeling:
That’s right, it’s maaaah [insert 5-Letter adjective here] Nate Robinson.
And after spending all this time looking at him, one starts to notice– he’s not the only person out there with that face.
Enter one of my new favorite-movies-to-watch-anytime-it’s-on.
Actual Nate Robinson
+
Being Nate Robinson
=
Ronnie from Role Models (aka Bobb’e J. Thomson if you insist on using this kid’s real name)
Damn! No one else noticed this??
So what I just compared a grown ass 26-year-old man to a 14-year-old boy. They’re f*cking twins.
You just better win tonight Boston, you just better win tonight.
Or else.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 22
This week, pictures of a gaunt 50 Cent hit the net, via his own ThisIs50.com.
They showed the rapper-ternt-actor what the result of saying no to seconds not being fat drinking only liquor liquids for 9 weeks can do.
By now we all know this is in preparation for his role as a sick footballer in Things Fall Apart (no, not like Chinua Achebe).
But Fiddy now bears a staunch comparison to
Starvin’ Marvin!!! A (seemingly) fictional character!
Uncanny.
Check the commentary on 50 himself:
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 21
1st of all, let me start off by saying:
This is totally the idea of my good friend Nyisha.
I just chose to write about it.
For some reason, this girl just doesn’t know how funny she is. Rarely speaking without thinking, you can be sure that rare gems are going to drop from her jaws (pause).
During a conversation just a couple of days ago, she relayed something that should’ve been evident to me:
Elena Kagan, tapped by President Barack Obama to repace 90-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens when he retires this summer,
Elena Kagan, the former law professer-turned-Solicitor General-turned-Supreme Court Nominee
looks just like
That’s right, that’s John Candy.
Now this is all in jest,
I think it’s amazing that Barack Obama is constructing all kinds of historical milestones while he’s in office. He’s trying to make all the history he can.
Just a few stats:
- If Kagan’s confirmed, she’d be the 4th sitting justice from New York
-If Kagan’s confirmed, she’d be the 1st justice in 4 decades who did not serve as a judge
-If Kagan’s confirmed, there would be no Protestant justices on the Suupreme Court (1/2 the country identifies as such), only Jews & Christians
-All justices when to Ivy Leages (Harvard, Yale & Columbia)
-If Kagan’s confirmed, she would be the 4th female in history to sit in the Supreme Court, the 3rd on the current bench.
Rad.
Thanks Nyisha.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 19
I reaaaaaaally want to like Governor Paterson.
And although I cannot definitively say that I do not like “The Accidental Governor”, he sure gives plenty of reason for speculation:
-We gave him a pass for being up front w/ his drug use & stuff immediately talking about his adulterating past.
-This weird semi-involvement in a domestic abuse case with one of his staffers, (allegedly) calling the incident where the woman’s head was “smashed into a mirrored dresser” similar to “breakups you hear about all the time”
(If this indeed is the case, who the hell does he know??)
-The thing w/ the tryst w/ some woman at some restaurant a couple weeks back.
-Strange mid-week club appearances
-Bizarre ways he chooses to use his power
-This new thing with using govn’t money for some Yankee tickets
Now I see why he got all bent outta shape about things like this…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7SFxVnWLd0
…because this was prophetic of the way he was actually carrying on.
And as we see Governor Paterson traped all up & down Yet I am surprised that no reputable news outlet
The New York Times
CBS News
USA Today
The Wall Street Journal
The New York Post
The Detroit Free Press
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
ABC News
Fox News
NBC
CNN
no one else has made the connection that
Our very own, very 1st Black Governor of New York City looks JUST like
Lybian leader Moammar Gaddafi! (Or however he’s spelling it this week.)
My goodness! This sh*t is breaking news!
I first happened upon this discovery during one of the guv’s more recent flubs, when all the world leaders descended upon New York to visit the U.N. towards the end of the summer.
(This dude’s got a bad case of guyliner, doesn’t he?)
I found it absolutely startling, not to mention the similarities between the two would-be siamese twins had their birth not been separated by 12 years.
No one thinks Paterson’s glaring resemblance to a Lybian leader who once relinquished his post as Prime Minister of Lybia some 38 years ago, (probably at the urging of Rev. Al Sharpton and other widely-publicized Black leaders over a dinner of greens and yams at Sylvia’s restaurant) is alarming??
If we follow the algorithm that history repeats itself, it’s safe to say that Paterson is not only not budging from his seat, but will dictate New York politics for the next 4 decades, much like
and his trampling all over term limit laws.
Get ready for New York politics to get run over by dictatorship and heavy man- makeup!
…and a little bit of bromance.
Why Not?
Love,
*Ms. Officer
14 + a Granny Technically Makes 93
As if I haven’t already written about this more than any other topic on this entire website, more Tiger Woods drama ensues:
-This week we learned that Elin is not having it anymore, so she decided she was packin’ up, taking the kids & going to Sweden for a Tiger-less holiday.
I even was told that she was going to leave sooner, but she had to wait for one of her children to recover from the flu.
I woulda wrapped that sucker in some plastic & left.
-Oh yeah, did I mention that she’s divorcing him & going after half of his $1 Billion fortune?
(That is, $500 million to you idiots).
-Mistress #1, Rachel Uchitel not only flew down to Florida to be w/ Woods, but reportedly brokered anywhere from $1-$3 Million to not release all the other kinky sh*t & naked pictures next to questionable things & people she has of Tiger any more information.
-The Tiger Tally is up to 14 women who’ve come forward so far.
-Tiger’s binging on cereal, cartoons, & put put golf to pass the time. Apparently he’s turned into a 6 year old schoolgirl.
But of course that is not all. Apparently The Crypt Keeper a cougar by the name of Theresa Rogers said she was the one who “taught Tiger everything he knows”
She’s 48.
He’s 33.
And who knows when these two started romping around?
Aaaaand Yes, I am aware of the fact that this post comes directly after my lusting after a man over 20 years my senior, there is one important difference here:
John Stamos is hot.
I mean, at least if your gonna go old, do it in style.
Gross.
A bonus “Everyone looks the Same to Me” for you.
I mean, ew. What is that? & Who gave it that baby to touch?
However, all of the women seem to agree on one aspect (I wonder if he also paid them for):
They all say Tiger is good in bed.
Growl.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 18
In honor of the season, and in honor of the Kobe Show the Lakers’ victory last night, I figured I’d give you a two-for-one type deal this go-’round.
This first DoubleMint twin pair I noticed quite some time go. Probably due in part to the fact that I was reckless eyeballing each of them in some capacity.
Derek Fisher, Guard, Los Angeles Lakers.
Finesse Mitchell, Comedian (Member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc.)
I ain’t mad at it.
I’m just as surprised as you are.
When I came to quite the realization the other night while watching Game 3 of this Lakers/Magic match-up:
Let it be known—I am not a Lakers Fan. This, however was not the realization I was referring to. But after I sat and watched the Magic take on Kobe, Ariza n-dem (who’s ever thought Trevor Ariza would be a headliner?) shot for shot all the way up to the 4th quarter, then blow it (Pause) in OT at the bar at Applebees. Whilst I endured heckling from all sorts of Lakers fans, including
a woman
a woman dressed like a man
a woman that sounded like a man
a man bellowing constantly throughout the night “Let’s Gooooo Lakers” I noticed something about one of the players.
As the game ended and the amount of people at the bar dwindled, they left the TV on channel 7 and immediately it clicked. The news had some sort of animal segment and all of a sudden, I’d finally realized who this baller resembled:
It turns out that Power Forward/Center Pau Gasol…looks just like…
An Ostrich!
Why of course! Why didn’t I think of this sooner?
(Ok, so his teeth are not yellow orange, but you get my drift).
But seriously. Congratulations to the Lakers on their 15th Campionship Win. Phil Jackson made his 41st appearance in the finals & thus resulting in his 10th playoff ring. When was the last time you did anything 41 times?
….I don’t know how I’d feel about the answer to that question.
You know what?
Why not?
Love,
Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 17
Aaaaaaand we’re back.
On the heels of the incredible Superbowl win of the Pittsburgh Steelers (Go Steelers!) vs. the Arizona Cardinals (6 Rings whaaat?!), here comes the observation. Actually, I realized it last week.
While looking up Mike Tomlin (what up color?!) on the ‘innanets’ and watching him on SportsCenter, I did a double take.
I’m damn sure that
pretty much is
(I could do without the “I’m sexy Mike Tomlin but I keep calling myself Omar Epps” look)
These n*ggaz are damn near interchangeable
And you know Omar Epps reminds you of
Oh hell, he downright looks like
So what we have here are some triplets.
I wonder if they know they all look like each other.
They Know They Know They Know Hello Hello Hello
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 16
The inspiration for this volume came @ work one day, while entrenched in a conversation about-what else?- drugs & music. Amy Winehouse Crackhouse The Cokewhore that is Amy Winehouse surfaced, a light bulb went off and I made this stunning realization.
Oh My Goodness!
You two m*thafuckers are twins!
He even looks like her knee!
What boggles my mind the most is that a “25″ year od woman (@ least I think that’s what it is) has the gaul to look like a 205 year old man (@ least I think that is the phylum they classify him as)
(Imus deep in racist thought)
You know what? Lets just make this triplets:
That’s right, Ebenezer Scrooge is making a guest appearance as Imus & Winehouses’ exoskeletons.
Yikes.
Just in case you did not realize, I do not particularly fancy either one of these parties for obvious reasons.
P.S.: They just sent Amy’s pusher, Johnny Blagrove (along with his girlfriend) to jail, not just for selling the drugs, but for actually selling the video of Amy Winehouse using to the popular tabloid, The Sun for $75,000. The problem wasn’t peddling the drugs (which they were aware of) but profiting off of the tape.
(Lmao that’s supposed to be a smile on a skeleton)
“I missed the part where it stopped being about Imus…”
Gross.
Love,
Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 14
Everyone knew you were gay Clay Aiken. No mystery there, just have a look @ your progression:
Singing w/ fat chick, step #1
![[clayAiken.jpg]](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6yeTPaSqhI4/R5p8ZYyDiOI/AAAAAAAAASQ/aWeLF2Jbq-E/s1600/clayAiken.jpg)
Guuuurl please
Actually being gay: Step 2 (Not that there’s anything wrong w/ that)
But this is not the part that drew concern. It’s the fact that he’d actually morphed his way into another person on his way to gaining a couple more chins.
Is that Louis Anderson?
Looks like it to me.
Weeeeiiiird
Now of course after her pregnancy she’s lost some weight & she’s back to looking, well, looking like this:
Maybe they’ll have their own reality show that’ll resemble:
I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
Hahah, Yep.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 13
…And I know you’ve thought this.
Our #2 Shortstop on my favorite Baseball team the New York Yankees, Derek Jeter
Looks like
Family Guy’s Glenn Quagmire.
But I hope that he’s a lot less pervy. Although their sexual exploits do seem to mirror each other as well.
hahah. I guess both of them make one Black person & one White person right?
Now laugh some more.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 12
I am now hooked on Gossip Girl, and I only have my friend/neighbor to blame for it. But watching it led me to discover him:
(Chace Crawford)
Mmmmm
But watching The CW’s 90120 this past week, I made another discovery.
(So called “Adam Gregory”)
I ain’t mad @ that
I couldn’t help but think I was watching the same person on both shows, just with dyed hair.
Can you help put to bed the mystery that this really isn’t just one actor? I mean the only thing about Gregory I could find is that he’s Canadian. And you know the national sentiment on Canadians:
Of Course.
Yep, One person. One name. 2 Hair Colors.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
