Category Archives: Damn
Soo Fine.
Why Sumner Redstone Is A Hot Piece of Ass
This is Sumner Redstone:
(I’m-almost-dead Hot)
Now to the undead naked eye, he may not look like much. But to a hopeful blushing bride me, he’s fine as hell.
And worth $2.8 billion.
The media magnate is part of a sultry list of the Forbes 400.
Other sex kittens wealthy beyond human brain comprehension include:
Samuel Newhouse: Jew-y Hot
(Conde Nast/Discovery) $6.2 Billion
Charles Ergen: I-sell-a-bunch-of-sh*t-that-doesn’t-really-work Hot
(Dish Network) $5.2 Billion
David Geffen: Skinned-cat bald Hot
(Music/Film) $5.1 Billion
Haim Saban: Mosque Hot
(Power Rangers) $3.4 Billion
George Lucas: I-have-a-Black-wife Hot
(Star Wars) $3.25 Billion
Oprah Winfrey: Why-aren’t-you-married-yet-who-is-Gail-really Hot
(Media) $2.7 Billion
Mark Cuban: Straight-jacket Hot
(Let it be known, I’d actually date him)
(HDNET/Dallas Maveriks/Entourage Cast Member Now) $2.5B
Ted Turner: Mustache Hot
(TV/Communications) $1.9 Billion
Michael Ilitch: I’ve-never-seen-a-f*cking-Little Caesars-ever-so-they-don’t-exist Hot
(Little Caesars Pizza) $1.7B
I know what you’re thinking:
1. She’s sick (you have no f*cking sense of humor if that’s the case)
2. “Why have the hots for a peasant such as Redstone? Why not go for the gusto with Bill Gates ($54B)?”
Because I like a little humility with my coffee, thank you. The richest man in America? That’s just tacky. Besides, Melinda doesn’t seem like she’s going anywhere.
They may be all raisins -with the exception of Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook, 26, $6.9B) & Oprah- but if you say you wouldn’t “top off” any one of these Forbes 400 for, like, morthgage, or a Gallardo, you’re a f*cking liar.
{Disclaimer: I just want to get rid of this f*cking Northeastern debt now, without having to die or be near dead to do so}
Anne Cox Chambers: She’s 90 Hot
(Cox Enterprises) 12.7 Billion
This is all in jest. I’m just playing.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Damn Vol. 8 (Takers Movie Edition)
Last night in an advanced screening, I saw the movie Takers. It’s in theaters tomorrow.
The film stars:
Michael Ealy
Idris Elba and that dumbass accent he insists on using
Hayden Christensen
Clifford T.I. Harris
Jay Hernandez
Matt Dillon
That Negro from The Practice with the bothersome lips
That Negro from The Wire
Chris Brown
Paul Walker
Other than the fact that it’s utterly difficult to maintain all brain cells and control cravings when looking at Walker, I liked the movie. It was what I call “stressful”. The team of 6 cohorts conspire to rob Armory trucks, a-la-Dead Presidents. When the other characters insisted on making their way onto the screen during the two hour running time, I cringed. John Rahway, played by Paul, is the eyes of the operation– he’s a sniper. An insanely hot sniper. Not sure if it was the meticulous portrayal of John’s mania, or his ridiculous eyes that tipped me over the edge.
P.S.: Why is this flick only rated PG-13? Was it the gratuitous violence they thought was inappropriate? The crackheads? The race mixing?
Loved him since Varsity Blues. An awful ’90′s movie I dragged my mother to see with me…because (aside from the rating)…
Motion for a law requiring Paul Walker to be topless at all times.
Unless he’s cold.
With me, of course, that would never happen.
He is definitely allowed to put a baby in me.
And he’s already in position.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Damn Vol. 6
Belongs to Kellan Lutz.
Good grief.
Some of you may know him from 90210
Some of you may know him from Twilight
No matter why you know who he is, we can all agree on one thing: He’s bad as sh*t.
When Kellan exists, I can’t really see how everyone can be going so criminally insane over Robert Pattinson. As I stated before– outside of him playing a vampire, he actually looks dead.
Sh*t he could stand for a tan, couldn’t he?? Maybe even get pointers from this douchebag:
I am sorry, it was stupid of me to digress like that.
It’s very seldom that I lay my eyes on someone who immediately turns me into ravenous wolf. At 6’1 and just the right amount of body, I size him up as juuust right.
As I sit here writing this, I am having extreme trouble keeping my legs together– as evidenced by his new spread to advertise Calvin Klein’s new manties. CK truly loves to photograph men’s balls.
Expletive-Expletive-Expletive-Expletive
You can’t be serious dude.
Makes me feel sorta like…
…Except I don’t think he’s a bitch. And I’m not a boy. And I hate Akon.
He knows exactly what time it is.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Damn
John Stamos makes me hot.
Yep, that’s what I said.
And yes, that is the current John Stamos. All 46 years of him.
I am half his age.
& All the way into him.
I can feel the judgemental glares through the computer screen. I don’t care what you think. Say what you want, this near 50 year old man is hotter than
all of the guys I’m talking to right now
many guys I actually know
Just about 90% of the men I’ve dated, talked to, seen, fondled (intentional or otherwise) had a conversation with, breathed in an elevator near in the last….year or 88.
But I am no novice Kelly-ee.
I’ve always had a thing for older men, dating all the way back to one of my my original crushes;
when he was still going by Puff Daddy. & I wasn’t even in high school yet. So it should come as no surprise that given the opportunity, I’d gladly skinny dip with Mr. Stamospoopopopollrkokojohfshuohgaiyhfvhinvbajshduolous.
Oh yes. Please more.
So what, most of you may know him as just Uncle Jesse from Full House?
I’d like to refer to him as Dr. Hot
mmmmmm. How much fun could you have with that?
….Didn’t I hear somewhere that he was a sex addict?
(Ok, ignore the babies. That’s definitely a mood killer)
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Damn Vol. 4
Haaaaaapy New Year Everybody!
& What better way to celebrate with some Prayer, Blessings & finnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ol’ Laz Alonso?
Oh hell yes.
This fine specimen came about by ways of Washington D.C. via his B.B.S. in Business from Howard University and (successful) career as an investment banker.
& he’s intelligent?
Stop the madness.
Some of you may remember him from various gigs on BET like A.M. @ BET ( I kinda remember that) & NY/LA.
…..did I mention he was Cuban…..
…..& that I have a soft spot for my papis as well….
(Me encanta mis platanos maduros, ya tu sabes!) You ain’t know I was bilingual!
That color is gorgeous on him. He has on an ascot?? & it looks good?? Wtf mannnn u just can’t not look good. Mmmmmmmmm chile! Don’t let him get to speakin’ that Spanish, that’s a recipie for trouble.
So It should come as no surprise that when
came owt, I was feeeeeeeeeeeeenin. Hard. Not to mention the likes of Chris Brown, Brian White & (maybe Columbus Short too) this was a good lookin ass movie.
I can’t control myself.
Oooh papito tell me what to do
I think they shoulda just kept the camera on Laz the entire time. Even if he had nothing to do with the scene, just put him in the back somewhere. Like behind Ne-Yo.
And when
advance screening came out, you best believe I was front row (or middle row rather, it was a movie theatre) center reckless eyeballing the screen.
How bad did I want that towel to come up when he was slidin around on that floor? Chiiiiiiiiiiiiile!
That’s not even right. Laz walkin around topless is equivalent to me going to the supermarket in a bikini. It’s just not right.
But don’t think I think of Laz as just a piece of meat (hahah, no pun intended & yes, we’re on a 1st name basis lol)
I told you he was a brain, right? Listen to what this man is saying:
Belleza
Es la verdad
Me encanta.
Love,
Ms. Officer
Damn Vol. 3
Who truly knows the real deal w/ him & this Iron Man mess w/ Don Cheadle? But I do know one thing.
This man is fine
When I first saw him in ‘Sparks’, I knew he was right. (Yea, that’s correct. Now cross reference when that show was out with my age @ that time & his… No comment.)
Feast your eyes on Terrence Howard.
I know, I can do without the assorted neck pieces, but Damn.
May the Good Lord help me I LOVE pretty eyes and a man in a suit, (not going to jail). Let it be known- Gorgeous eyes are my weakness. Easily.
See what I mean?! He is Rockin’!
Topless Terrence? Yes Please! Needless to say I paid close attention to the movie ‘Pride’.
![[11_terrence_howard.jpg]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RFDCkGzS3T8/R9H4Fm4pH0I/AAAAAAAABcM/6u4_pLBwMkI/s1600/11_terrence_howard.jpg)
Chiiiiiiileeeee if that don’t do it to u I dunno what will.
….Still dunno how I feel about this tho. I do know it was only a movie!
Yeah, a good day.
I can keep doing this.
Ya Dig?
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Damn Vol. 2
Happening upon this treasure totally by accident, I must share it with you. Looking for one Drew Carter from said group
for a previous post, (see VH1 Hip Hop Honors)
I ran into
Oh hell yes.
Ladies,
…(and some gentlemen)
may I present to you The Oakland Raiders’ very own Drew Carter.
yum.
Why is he so fine?
Hey Nupe/Color!…If that’s the case this drives his stock waaaaay up.
And you know he’s skrong.
You know how I feel about that.
Love,
*Ms. Officer
