Monthly Archives: March 2010

Ricky Martin: Ass Bandit.

Was this really a surprise?

http://clesite.com/menudo/ricky2.jpg

From standing extremely close to another male rump in Menudo, to… well,

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rRV_B-9H1Jc/SMrwXTW3zeI/AAAAAAAAApw/J6hW0LvVqQ4/s320/ricky_martin_plage-740460.jpg

Anybody with 2 eyeballs could see that he was uncontrollably homosexual.

Latin & Pop sensation Ricky Martin came out on Monday to the masses, opening up the biggest gay floodgate since Clay Aiken no one.  But has he been trying to tell us all along? Through extremely  catchy song and popular dance?

Ricky Martin- She He Bangs (Me)

Did South Park not dedicate an entire episode to gay fish?

http://crackofdawn.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/kanye-sp-7-450x337.png?w=480

The other men in the video with their sheer shirts completely unbuttoned don’t necesarily help to dispel the rumors.

Ricky Martin- Private Emotion (Gay)

I can’t. Too easy.

Ricky Martin Feat. Amerie & Fat Joe- I Don’t Care (I Just Wanna Dress Up As Your Girl)

Ok, the gratuitous bodyrolling in the beginning of the video? @1:25 Listen carefully. He tells us. “Crazy boy”

Ricky Martin- Livin’ La Vida Loca Homosessual

Upside inside turn you out

Livin La Vida Homosessual

Ricky Martin- The Cup Of Life Balls

You mean he gets to do a song? About a sport involving lots of men? Running around, sweating on top of each other? & Dance the way he does so freely on that stage? Naah. Nothing’s off.

This next one is easily the best song ever recorded:

Ricky Martin- Maria Mario

Professing his love for one named Maria, yet not going near her once the video. Instead spending it bailando in the street by himself…and in a fountain…and on a stage in a crushed velvet suit with sparkles.

Matter of fact…to come to think of it, Martin kept his interaction with women in his videos to a minimum.

http://www.msg.com/events/media/events/large_ricky-martin-matteo-valentino.jpg

So how can a man like this have kids?

One word.

Fraud.

Let me get the point across– there’s nothing wrong with being gay. But just be gay and don’t deceive or hurt anyone in the process.

Enrique Iglesias has been waiting upwards of a decade for the moment he can claim this spot.

http://www.africanveil.org/ricky_martin.jpg

…Some other folks should take Sr. Martin’s advice and open that closet back door:

http://www.gayprofilegraphics.com/Images/Male_Celebrities/Ben_Affleck/images/BenAffleck3.jpg

http://www.insidesocal.com/outinhollywood/,mario.jpg

http://www.stayinthenews.com/content/uploads/2008/10/neyo.jpg

http://cdn.hellobeautiful.com/files/2009/04/jeanette-jenkins-queen-latifah000x0350x374.jpeg

http://ifelicious.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/andy-dick-in-axis-nightclub.jpg?w=480

What do you think?

Love,

*Ms. Officer

The Curse of Joe Biden

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2010/03/24/us/24healthspan2-cnd/24healthspan2-cnd-articleLarge.jpg

Are we rejoicing that a historic healthcare bill finally got passed allowing insurance for just about 94%of Americans? (Take that Canada)

Children up to age 26 will be able to remain on their parents’ insurance

We get to have the same flavor of health insurance that some of our favorite members of congress

Small business owners will snag tax credits to cover their employees?

Joe Biden just waits in the shadows until Barack accomplishes something, then just comes out at the grand occasion– just like that drunk uncle at Christmas who you try to keep away from the small children.

But for this, Obama has yet another reason to keep Uncle Joe in the barn outback:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMHI3Aqs4gk

http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/political-pictures-barack-obama-joe-biden-syncronized-facealming.jpg?w=480

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Whispering dangersously close to the President’s ear is one thing. Doing it in front of a host of newsmedia is another. Shouting the F-bomb into several on mics…well, that’s the kooky gamble you take when letting the Vice President out into the United States.

Everyone’s in an uproar about this F-Word.  But lest we forget what minority leader John Boehner said?

Usual winner of the crying game, I am surprised Boehner didn’t revert to his usual teary eyed tactics of throwing a tantrum to get his point across, although he never really has one to get attention.

http://static.crooksandliars.com/files/uploads/2007/12/s-john-boehner-crying-large.jpg

boehner2.jpg

http://static.open.salon.com/files/boehner_is_droopy_dog1254431815.jpg

Or the Tea Party

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-JAs-K4bhA

Or that James Clyburn (D-SC) had racial epithets hurled at him and images of nooses faxed to him.

I like what we pay attention to.

So, in sum,

we know Joe Biden has a lot of gaffes:

But let’s not act like there aren’t things being said and done to members of congress who stood up for health care reform, in revolts and verbal assaults since the 1960′s. Remember them?

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_cUX_NXQPA-s/Sd9ScN9ttpI/AAAAAAAAAXg/j526fNwcEuQ/s400/civil+rights+hoses.jpg

at least the F word doesn’t offend a specific group of people. Unless you’re one of these two…

http://izanbardprince.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/republicans.jpg?w=480

http://flapsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/Joe-Biden-Hands-Up.jpg

Love,

Ms. Officer

How To Text: A Tutorial, By Tiger Woods

As per my previous “translation” posts, I certainly have garnered numerous requests for another. Your wish is my command.

Although this post should be entitled “How to create instant nausea by imagining tiger woods during sexual intercourse”, I chose to go with the above instead.  This obviously is about the sexts  King Woods sent one of his many muses.  This time is was Joslyn James, a pornstar who said Elin had a right to know what went on saw her chance to get in on this shine slipping away due to a pending reconciliation:

And a fast approaching Master’s tourney where Woods will make his triumphant I’m-gonna-try-to-sell-something-other-than-blow-up-dolls- so-i-need-more-endorsements- return to golf.

Boy, this dude can’t seem to get rid of these hoes!

Make sure you are not in the process of eating or kissing, for this will undoubtedly make you toss your cookies. And that is not sexy.

My italicized commentary is what you live for! Here goes:

Tiger:Sent: 04:18 PM 07/31/2009:

Oh i know. Not at all. Just glad and suprised i can do that to you Im all clean. Come on down:)

I got tested, doc says I’m ok. But that sh*t you let me do to you was nastyyyyyyyyy

Tiger:Sent: 11: 08 PM 08/23/2009:

I like when you do that to me

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/28/2009:

I want to be deep inside you

And then pull out really quickly as to not impregnate you. No evidence.

4/20

Tiger:Sent: 03:19 PM 08/29/2009:

I need that so bad

Tiger:Sent: 03:30 PM 08/29/2009:

Me to. I would wear you out

6/20

Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009:

I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore

That was in response to the question “Are your kids home?”

Tiger:Sent: 03:43 PM 08/29/2009:

Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust

Tiger:Sent: 03:48 PM 08/29/2009:

Does that excite you at all or no

“I would like to have intercourse with you and your closest female friend in which you confide. Is this enticing to you or shall I suggest another means of interrogating about this matter?”

Damn. Can’t you just see Urkel right in front of you when you read that sh*t?

8/20

Tiger:Sent: 03:37 PM 08/29/2009:

Do you ever hook up with other guys or girls

I’m trying to tell you that I want to hook up with another guy with you there too. So we can swordfight. But I gotta gauge where you’re at first.

Tiger:Sent: 03:52 PM 08/29/2009:

God girl. You better want to take care of me

Tiger:Sent: 04″02 PM 08/29/2009:

I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you

I want to mistreat you. Then call you bad words my mother said I shouldn’t say, then hit you. I know that’s not nice either, because my mother said that too.

Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:

You are my f—— w—-

Wow. He’s actually right here.

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own

Makes me feel like a slavemaster. I like that.

Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:

Then im going to tell you to shut the F— up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

Ok, wow.

Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:

Where do you want to be bitten

You don’t have any choice in being bitten,  I’ve already made that decision for you.  I will allow you to choose where.

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

Wow. That’s pretty sick. He actually wants her to eat sh*t.  But she probably has. She is a porn star.

I conclude that a sex addiction clinic was not where Tiger should have been sent. Perhaps anger management might have suited the situation a little better.

[_4unsafejb__oPt.jpg]

hey…it coulda been worse. At least the exchange was not with a man.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

This Is Weird. And Gross.

If you guessed Rielle Hunter, you were right.

http://blogs.yogajournal.com/cityblog/2007-10-10-rhunter.jpg

Former presidential hopeful John Edwards’ baby mamma came out today in a spread for GQ magazine, for which she made sure to let us know she saw not 1 dime cuz Johnny is still paying her off, somewhere in the neighborhood of $150,000 calling it “child support”.

There is nothing remotely suave, appealing, or sexy about a woman who slept with a married man on the campaign trail, accused John’s buddy of fathering the child, then pointing the finger at Edwards himself once it became  profitable.

It’s actually the exact opposite.

http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/small/1001/mega-slut-mega-slut-demotivational-poster-1264121660.jpg

I don’t possibly see what can be attractive about this woman, so take a look at these odd pictures and decide for yourself:

http://www.ktla.com/media/photo/2010-03/52745958.jpg

Dressed in John Edwards’ shirt Was it really a good idea to put this woman in an oversized men’s shirt, seeing as how this is probably part of the whole problem in the first place?

http://www.hotindienews.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Rielle_Hunger_GQ_Slideshow_01_1_2.jpg

What’s with the midriff and the baby? What, exactly is the situation which calls for both a half-shirt and a toddler?

http://www.etonline.com/media/photo/2010/03/144441/400_rhunter_031510_gq2.jpg

This is easily the most bizarre picture of the trio.  What is it with the stuffed animals and the pantslessness here? Is she trying to send some weird molester-y message here? What do the two have to do with each other?

Aside from John Edwards, does anyone have the desire to see this woman half naked?

She looks like him.

http://thebruceblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/rielle_hunter_4.jpg?w=480

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-03-15-johnedwards.jpg

Yikes.

http://www.inewscatcher.com/timages/6cd8d4db19b40a4e8c20f3268ba6ac34.jpg

http://media-files.gather.com/images/d618/d174/d746/d224/d96/f3/full.jpg

But I digress. If you care to be even more repulsed, here is actual video of the photo shoot.

http://www.gq.com/video?videoID=71716714001

This turns my stomach.

At least until it’s feeding time again.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Underaged Girls Vol. 2.0

I bet you this guy:

http://www.defourci.com/kevingarn/images/garn.jpg

Is wiping his brow this week because this fart face,

http://images.politico.com/global/click/090916_massa_ap_392_regular.jpg

took most of last week’s political scandal shine.

In yet another blow to the GOP, allow me to introduce Utah’s Republican Senator & House Majority leader Kevin Garn.

His sexual escapades were all but nearly swept under the rug…until I came across it and dragged it back out into the light of day.

Overshadowed by Eric Massa’s inescapably odd sex inappropriate touching of male staffers decades younger than him, the Utah politician managed to scoot by the weekend pretty cleanly.

Garn’s actions were so deplorable, he couldn’t even wait until the weekend’s end to resign, so he just gave up and did it on Saturday.

What were the charges you say? Well let’s take a looksie:

- He fessed up to hot tubbing it up (about 30 years ago) with a naked underage girl who was only 15, (not just kinda underage in some states, like 17 year olds are)

-Garn then paid the teen hush money so she’d keep quiet about their tryst and not cause interfere with his marriage.

-The woman, Cheryl Maher is now 40 and says that the hottub thing happened on more than one occasion during the time she used to babysit for his kids.

That’s like Danny Tanner

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e291/tryxkittie/vlcsnap-217189.png

getting horizontal with

http://olsenfan.tripod.com/andrea1.gif

Kimmy Gibbler.

or like Bob Saget…

http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2007/01/sagetolsens.jpg

….being Bob Saget

Maher says she started contacting various media outlets about it only last week because he stopped paying her she wanted some closure to the whole thing.

Cheryl also says she wrote a letter to the Church of Later Day Saint’s in ’08 detailing their illegal nighttime encounters. The Church investigated and later excommunicated Maher.  This woman also claims that Kevin’s wife, Tanya even came with him one time to make a payoff to Maher of $150,000. Cheryl states that Kevin touched her, but won’t elaborate any more on what specifically happened.

Is this what Mormons do in their free time?

http://www.poormojo.org/pmjadaily/archives/vagina.jpg

But as bizzare as this whole thing is, it takes an even weirder turn.  Kevin was Cheryl’s Sunday School teacher. When she was in 4th grade.

http://www.gamepolitics.com/files/blogimages/garn.jpg

How does this man not scream sex offender??

Safe from a skit in this week’s Saturday Night Live, One can only hope this makes it’s way there next week… and certainly onto Colbert & Stewart.

Not for nothing, (whatever that damn phrase means) Kevin Garn need not fret, for he has a true friend in the matter.

One who’s walked the tight rope of accused child molestation and public scrutiny.

One who’s bared the burden of joke after joke, whether it be in live or cartoon form.

One who’s admitted discussed his accusations in one way or another several times over the years.

One who’s pulled themselves up out of the dust and is seemingly living a life of (relative) normalcy and is back to selling like he used to.

Kevin Garn’s next question should be:

What Would R. Kelly Do?

http://www.blog.peacemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/68-444x590.jpg

Love,

*Ms. Officer

“I’m Not Gay, Ask My Wife”

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/105/287284469_114ca11c48.jpg

Famous last words from yet another New York politician who is making this state look even more asinine in the eyes of…well, everywhere else.

Eric Massa, you didn’t think I was gonna let you off the hook DID U??

All week I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into this story.  It deserves to be ridden to the bare bones (all puns intended).

In case you are a complete f*cking idiot & are totally unaware of your surroundings, allow me to provide you with a brief rundown of the scenario:

http://images.politico.com/global/click/090916_massa_ap_392_regular.jpg

Eric Massa has strong nose hairs.

Signal 1: owns an apartment in NYC where 5 grown ass men live on top of each other with clothes strewn all over the place

Signal 2: molested stuck his c**k in groped a male staffer

—He also seems to think that groped has another definition other than sexually. Which leads me to believe we have NY state congressman who has no idea what the word grope means.

Signal 3: Stepping down and not running for re-election without good reason…or any reason for that matter

Signal 4: Nancy Pelosi knew about this weird ass sh*t as early as October and was paid not to say anything about it didn’t say anything about it until he announced he wasn’t seeking another term on March 3rd.

Signal 5: Mentioning his time at sea w// 10,000 ship men, at least 5,000 of which I’m sure he’s entered.

OntheGayShipLollipop.jpg On the Gay Ship Lollipop image by  Buckbeak_photo

Signal 6: Going on Larry King Live & responding to the question “Are You Gay?” with “Ask my wife” and other un-slick quips instead of simply stating “no’.  And can we talk about how insane he managed to appear on Glenn Beck?? Even more so than the f*cking host himself?

“Not only did I grope a guy, but I tickled him til he couldn’t breathe. Then 4 other guys jumped on top it was my 50th birthday—”

STOP RIGHT THERE.

What kind of 50th birthday is this??

Men-7.jpg Happy Birthday image by damnnene69
That doesn’t happen.

If that is not uncontrollably homosexual, then I don’t know what is.

http://notimefortrivia.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/family-guy-s-m.jpg?w=508&h=471

And where exactly did this “tickling and *ick grabbing groping incident take place?? Did he happen to be in the male showers at the YMCA when this was occurring?  Did 4 guys happen to be waiting in each corner of the office anticipating the moment when Massa would re-enter with his newest sexual harassment victim?

http://www.bestinentertainment.net/images/VillagePeople02.jpg

All in all, this guy’s a complete *sshole. I mean, its just unbelievable that he could be such a douche about the whole thing.  There’s nothing wrong with him being gay, but just be gay. Sorry to break it to “Mrs. Massa”, she is just a beard.

http://www.monroerisingimages.com/massa.JPG

Massa is going to be the butt of all jokes for a while to come (pun, again intended)…then again, he’s into that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01ljnxyhDpo

What a toolbox.

Love,

*Ms. Offcer

By The Time DMX Gets Arrested Again…

…I will have probably just gone to the bathroom.

http://wastedcelebrity.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/dmx-mug-shot.jpg

DMX, a.k.a. Earl Simmons a.k.a. Recidivist Supreme is back at it again.  No matter how much I wish this was a DMX new music post, the fact is, it’s a DMX Your New Cellmate post.

For some reason he seems to think this sh*t is real.  & that he can do it. Then get away with it every time.

http://photos.upi.com/story/t/7b0e5db7aa0a04511b0509152f2c10d7/DMX-pleads-guilty-to-drug-animal-charges.jpg

…but he’s right.  Dark Man X has been alluding substantially long jail sentences for quite the long while now. 361 years, to be exact.

On Tuesday they found him with coke illegal drugs coke again, on his way to, well, wherever he was going.  Though not too many details have emerged since then, this did:

Still dressed like the year 2000, –his heyday– in a football jersey an Timbs, X was visibly not thrilled he had to be there in the first place.  Slamming the papers down in front of the old white lady. That’s a middle finger to the law.

I also like that the announcer from Telemundo made a special celebrity guest appearance to commemorate the first rapper arrest of 2010 by speaking in Spanish in the courtroom.

And I’m sure it was no ballpark for anyone who was with him either. He also thinks he was the only one arrested on Tuesday.  I’l provide some comfort to him in letting X know, I not only know for a fact he has not been the only one arrested in AZ this week, I’ll even suggest an inmate:

http://www.bsckids.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Justin-Bieber1.jpg

Justin Bieber. Offense: Being prepubescent. And a toolbox.

At any rate, even though we joke, clown & kid on Earl Simmons, it really is a shame that he has ended up like this. He truly is a talented artist.  My next request is that he obtains Dr. Drew’s cell phone number real quick because I just can’t go through this Michael Jackson syndrome again. I personally can’t take it.

Hopefully X will find his way back to God in wanting to be a minister, but not like

http://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/masetwyla2.jpg?w=480

Because we’ve already learned from that mistake before.

Why was he scratching & tweeking like that? Is that a stupid question?

DMX gets another go ’round in front of a judge on March 16th, facing violations on 5 counts of his probation. Pretty sure one of which, is crack use.

It must taste good.

http://getfreshdaily.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54f900c3888330120a5001fd5970b-pi

Let’s take a trip back to were X was crazy and productive ripping it:

(I apparently have this video on my computer)

(Easily the best DMX song existence)

What will you have done by the time Dark Man X gets arrested again?

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Lady Gaga & The Beyonce- Telephone

Here is the world premiere of the highly anticipated video!

Before you instantly gratify yourselves with visuals of The Beyonce & Mr. Lady Gaga, you must appreciate my live commentary of this video as I watched it unfold for the very first time.

Much like you, I was thinking:

- I did not realize watching this thing was going to take up 10 minutes of my time

-@:24 secs: What’s the point of Tyrese being in this video?

-@ :38 secs I decided it was too weird. And I had to stop eating my Wheat Thins in order to continue watching

-Anyone who doesn’t think Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite is a hermaphrodite too

-@ :54 secs: This is gross.

-:1:12: That is one hell of a tuck & roll to try and prove you don’t have a ***k.

-@ 1:40: Those glasses could get dangerous.

-@1:43: Precious?

-@ 2:07: What is this?

-@3:37: Panty prison, huh? nice. I’d go too if I got 3 squares, no rent plus cable. Not a bad deal.

-@ 4:24: A Beats By Dre computer, huh? But what is that using it? It’s voice is deep. And gross.

-@ 4:51: I don’t see The Beyonce not overshadowing Lady Gaga in this video.

-@4:55: This is starting to feel like this could go one of two ways. 1 of which being a bad porno.

-@5:03: Yep, this is weird. (Notice The Beyonce did not venture eating after Gaga.)

-@5:07: Ew. Honey Buns. Hoodrat snack.

-@6:07: Asian stereotypes are always fun. And Accurate.

-@7:07: Nice! Actual recipe for poison.  That could actually come in handy.

-@ 7:49: The Beyonce looked a little manly for, like, 2/3 of a second. No big deal though. She’s still insanely beautiful.

-@7:50: Love the dance sequence, even though they decided to bring their friends along to trample all over some dead bodies.

Very Laverne and Shirley-esque.  Although I’m not sure they actually rode off in a P****Wagon. I’m gonna have to check my references on that one.

See and enjoy for yourself.

I still come away from this not really knowing what Lady Gaga really looks like.

http://static.thehollywoodgossip.com/images/gallery/weird-lady-gaga-hair.jpg

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_2WXJugBizNo/Sw1sqD6ecwI/AAAAAAAABN8/PHtEB-Kd5-o/s1600/lady-gaga-weird-04-750x1126.jpg

http://pics.hollywoodrag.com/gallery3/images/full_wenn2381603_medium.jpg

But I Love the song and the concept (overall) is innovative. That Lady Gaga won’t disappoint.

What kind of commentary can you come up with? Place them below!

Love,

*Ms. Officer

-

We’ll Always Love Big Poppa

http://img.allposters.com/6/LRG/26/2649/V8NMD00Z.jpg

Last night, Brooklyn, (& Perhaps the entire Tri-state area) came out to celebrate the life of one of the best (if not the best) rapper in existence, The Notorious B.I.G.

Diddy Leaves The Biggie Party

Aside from the fact that Diddy, Fabolous, Jim Jones and Red Cafe all appear to be in a public school gym, it seems the event went (generally) well.  I use the term well loosely because I heard that a couple of fights did break out, and there was severe overcharging at the door– $100 to get in. To a club. In Brooklyn. On a Tuesday night.

The celebration marked the 13th anniversary of the rapper’s passing.  I still remember the cold March morning when I heard what’d happened.  I’d of course, been a fan.

When I’d reported to school the next day, the slightly older kids were crying in the halls. Hard.  I remember Kurt Loder’s voice over the visuals of sidewalks in Brooklyn strewn with faces of disbelief.  It was amazing that as a little kid that one could love music as much as I did. Allow me to take you on a voyage from my memory vault:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3AbHsoXXgQ

Warning- In the days of Video Music Box, pre-cable, & living with my grandmother during the week…well, my after school activities were kinda limited.  I’d sneak up to her room to watch music videos, & I knew every. single. word. Now does that make any sense for an elementary school kid?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4JbG3GvKc0

One More Chance (Remix)- My favorite song for a loooong time, (just ask Nicole Vazquez!) & one of my favorite songs period.  The video made my pre-teen ass feel like I was at a house party & even remotely knew what they were talking about.

Sky Is The Limit (Feat. 112)- LOVE this song. As one of the best videos in existence, it’s so freakin cute. Where the hell was I when they were casting that video? Where? Probably doing something stupid, like going to school.

Mo’  Money Mo’ Problems (Feat. Diddy & Ma$e)- Who in the hell didn’t like this song?? Must not have had a functioning vessels. For a project in middle school we had to select a song we wanted to translate in Spanish. Then sing it. In front of the whole class. In it’s entirety. Being that I can’t sing, I wised up. Guess what I picked? “Yo no se que ellos me quieren…”

Juciy- Who else could turn Mtume’s “Juciy Fruit” into a rap anthem? I would sing that chorus at the top of my lungs making up everything right after “Don’t let them hold you down, reach for the stars” and swore with conviction that whatever I was singing after that were the correct words.  Problem is, it changed every time.

Big Poppa- Whoa. Ron Isely probably got out of jail for owing taxes because of this song.  Not only did I excruciatingly want a hot tub at this time, but this was when I discovered Diddy, Puff Daddy,

http://media-2.web.britannica.com/eb-media/78/23578-004-331EAA53.jpg

and the root of what would grow into a longstanding crush on him. I pretended I was the “you and me could be friends” that he always referred to. I loved that.

Now keep in mind– I am reflecting on my memories from the music videos. Therefore all of the posts are going to be from the commercial releases.  Can I go toe to toe with a Notorious B.I.G. lyric? You betchya. I even managed to keep my cousin’s grubby paws off my special edition B.I.G. CD. He took B2K instead.

http://photo.sing365.com/music/picture.nsf/B2K-B2K-Cover/48256C71003578A248256B6B000523DD/$file/b2k.jpg
All jokes aside, Christopher Wallace, a.k.a. The Notorious B.I.G. was an enormous talent who made legendary music.

http://www.soulbounce.com/soul/2007/10/01/mick%20UNBELIEVABLE%20front-thumb-473x470.jpg

& We love him.

Love,

*Ms. Officer

The Oscars– The Leftover Crumbs

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_sq5dGLyKhlY/S4-4vkwVEsI/AAAAAAAAAT0/gPNqoQqfZQI/s400/82-oscars-awards.jpg

The  82nd annual Oscars aired Sunday night, and for those of us with Cablevision, the Gangs of New York finally settled their idiotic feud in time for ABC to allow us peasants to view the program.

Winners

This woman:

Otherwise known as Elinor Burkett interrupting Roger Ross Williams during his acceptance speech
I tell you about Ginger kids but for some reason no one wants to believe me.

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/sabrehockeylw30/GingerKids.png

Ginger kids are gross and have no manners.  They are unruly.  Why is anyone so surprised by this?

http://static.thehollywoodgossip.com/images/gallery/kanye-west-taylor-swift-speech_482x396.jpg

http://blogs.bet.com/entertainment/spotlight/bet-blog/assets/2009/09/lil-mama-jay-z-300x300-2009-09-15.jpgI digress.

Roger Ross Williams got to do his Ginger Kanye Elinor Burkett-less acceptance speech the following night on Larry King Live.

We also know how much of a phenomenon Precious was, but  Howard Stern didn’t think so. He WENT IN  on Gabourey Sidebe this morning, saying that she didn’t stand a chance in Hollywood after this  because of her weight:

Bwahahhahahahahah What is going on?? How do you feel about that? do you think he’s right??

The full list of the 2010 Oscar winners from Oscar.com, the official site of the 82nd Academy Awards

Best Picture
  • The Hurt Locker
    The Hurt Locker
    Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier and Greg Shapiro
Actor in a Leading Role
  • Jeff Bridges
    Jeff Bridges
    Crazy Heart
Actor in a Supporting Role
  • Christoph Waltz
    Christoph Waltz
    Inglourious Basterds
Actress in a Leading Role
  • Sandra Bullock
    Sandra Bullock
    The Blind Side
Actress in a Supporting Role
  • Mo'Nique
    Mo’Nique
    Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire

Animated Feature Film

  • Up
    Up
    Pete Docter
Art Direction
  • Avatar
    Avatar
    Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg (Art Direction); Kim Sinclair (Set Decoration)


Cinematography

  • Avatar
    Avatar
    Mauro Fiore


Costume Design

  • The Young Victoria
    The Young Victoria
    Sandy Powell


Directing

  • The Hurt Locker
    The Hurt Locker
    Kathryn Bigelow


Documentary Feature

  • The Cove
    The Cove
    Louie Psihoyos and Fisher Stevens


Documentary Short

  • Music by Prudence
    Music by Prudence
    Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett


Film Editing

  • The Hurt Locker
    The Hurt Locker
    Bob Murawski and Chris Innis


Foreign Language Film

  • The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos)
    The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos)
    Argentina
    Directed by Juan José Campanella

Makeup

  • Star Trek
    Star Trek
    Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow


Music (Original Score)

  • Up
    Up
    Michael Giacchino


Music (Original Song)

  • Crazy Heart
    Crazy Heart

    “The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)”
    Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Short Film (Animated)

  • Logorama
    Logorama
    Nicolas Schmerkin


Short Film (Live Action)

  • The New Tenants
    The New Tenants
    Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson


Sound Editing

  • The Hurt Locker
    The Hurt Locker
    Paul N.J. Ottosson


Sound Mixing

  • The Hurt Locker
    The Hurt Locker
    Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett


Visual Effects

  • Avatar
    Avatar
    Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones


Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

  • Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire
    Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
    Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher


Writing (Original Screenplay)

  • The Hurt Locker
    The Hurt Locker
    Written by Mark Boal

Congrats!

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Everyone Looks The Same To Me Vol. 19

I reaaaaaaally want to like Governor Paterson.

http://gothamist.com/attachments/jen/2008_12_patersonreal.jpg

And although I cannot definitively say that I do not like “The Accidental Governor”, he sure gives plenty of reason for speculation:

-We gave him a pass for being up front w/ his drug use & stuff immediately talking about his adulterating past.

-This weird semi-involvement in a domestic abuse case with one of his staffers, (allegedly) calling the incident where the woman’s head was “smashed into a mirrored dresser” similar to “breakups you hear about all the time”

(If this indeed is the case, who the hell does he know??)

-The thing w/ the tryst w/ some woman at some restaurant a couple weeks back.

-Strange mid-week club appearances

-Bizarre ways he chooses to use his power

-This new thing with using govn’t money for some Yankee tickets

Now I see why he got all bent outta shape about things like this…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7SFxVnWLd0

…because this was prophetic of the way he was actually carrying on.

And as we see Governor Paterson traped all up & down Yet I am surprised that no reputable news outlet

The New York Times

CBS News

USA Today

The Wall Street Journal

The New York Post

The Detroit Free Press

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

ABC News

Fox News

NBC

CNN

no one else has made the connection that

Our very own, very 1st Black Governor of New York City looks JUST like

http://knockedoutbymybigbrother.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/gaddafi.jpg

Lybian leader Moammar Gaddafi! (Or however he’s spelling it this week.)

http://www.judiciaryreport.com/images/david-patterson-5-23-08.jpg

My goodness! This sh*t is breaking news!

http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/09/04/alg_governor_paterson_saratoga.jpg

http://www.empirechronicles.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/gaddafi.jpg

I first happened upon this discovery during one of the guv’s more recent flubs, when all the world leaders descended upon New York to visit the U.N. towards the end of the summer.

http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/07/07/alg_paterson.jpg

http://dandyscotchbrawlers.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/muammar_al-gaddafi_at_the_au_summit.jpg?w=465&h=699

(This dude’s got a bad case of guyliner, doesn’t he?)

I found it absolutely startling, not to mention the similarities between the two would-be siamese twins had their birth not been separated by 12 years.

No one thinks Paterson’s glaring resemblance to a Lybian leader who once relinquished his post as Prime Minister of Lybia some 38 years ago, (probably at the urging of Rev. Al Sharpton and other widely-publicized Black leaders over a dinner of greens and yams at Sylvia’s restaurant) is alarming??

If we follow the algorithm that history repeats itself, it’s safe to say that Paterson is not only not budging from his seat, but will dictate New York politics for the next 4 decades, much like

http://www.paullarosa.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/mayor-bloomberg.jpg

and his trampling all over term limit laws.

http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2009/12/10/news/photos_stories/cropped/paterson--300x300.jpg

http://blogs.rockymountainnews.com/bridget/gaddafi2.jpg

Get ready for New York politics to get run over by dictatorship and heavy man- makeup!

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_nWpwm6lhWUs/SUm-5VQJCLI/AAAAAAAAFDk/V4fkux49i7E/s400/NY+Gov+Patterson.jpg

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00872/Gaddafi_2__872562a.jpg

…and a little bit of bromance.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8d/David_Paterson_2_by_David_Shankbone.jpg

http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/usa/images-3/Muammar-Gaddafi-2.jpg

http://www.televisioninternet.com/news/pictures/david-paterson-snl-video2.jpg

Why Not?

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Blacks Were Better Off As Slaves??

No. No this cannot be.

Not during Black History Month 2010.

Not as a person with a functioning brain able to string words together in a coherent sentence.

Not as Trent Lott reenacted.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_nHkHmJl7K88/SsI8aNUxxvI/AAAAAAAAFIY/y357LcCXPiA/s200/trent_franks_lawsuit.jpg

As if the GOP doesn’t already look like a bunch of unruly screaming obscenely spoiled children,

or

http://onasje.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/britney-spears-bald.jpg?w=480

Arizona Rep. Trent Franks flew off at the mouth, pretty much stating that Black people were better off under slavery than with today’s laws.

With conservative blogger Mike Stark at the helm, the conversation was immediately directed into a ditch. A deep one. About 6 feet.

Franks was quoted saying:

“And yet today, half of all Black children are aborted. far more of the African American community is being devastated by the policies of today than were being devastated by the policies of slavery.”

But that is not all.

Enter this woman:

http://www.prolifenews.tv/2008/February/nbplu/_MG_0176.JPG

Day Gardener,  Who managed to slip into the new decade with ’80′s hair & make-up and the name of some sort of hippie love-child. This woman is the President of the National Black Pro-Life Union…and agrees with the man who can barely keep his eyes open.

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/100420/thumbs/s-TRENT-FRANKS-large.jpg

Although Gardener acknowledges that slavery is wrong, she does and is obviously against abortion, I just can’t fathom why she wants to continue to build on this comparison.

http://schooloffish.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/a_slavery_maryland_0327.jpg?w=480

At ant rate, Franks’ comments are still abhorrent.

We can all discern, at the very least living>dying. But where it comes into question is under what circumstances.

Here is the video. Feel free to pee on him now.

Back to your regular helping of “The Mondays”

Love,

*Ms. Officer

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 416 other followers