Tiger: Hey Sexy I can’t come out this week. Something came up family wise (July 20, 3:04 p.m.)
Jaimee: That’s okay I hope everything is fine … would have liked to see you
Tiger: We will make it happen
Jaimee: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a present for there birthday (July 26, 11: 22 p.m.) (Dumbass. It’s”their”)
Tiger: what kind of present your naked body (God help me, I just gagged not even 2 sentences in)
Jaimee: haha no a watch I slept alone
Tiger: alone with him that is (What the hell does he care? He’s only sleeping w/ half the White women in the Continental U.S.)
Jaimee: haha I wish
Jaimee: miss u (Sept. 27, 6:38 p.m.)
Tiger: now that’s hot so who is your new boy toy (It bothers me that he types out “who is” after abbreviating “that’s”)
Jaimee: no new boy toy … still running dry… been on 2 real dates in the pat 2 months 
Tiger: I need you
Jaimee: then get your tight ass over here and visit me! I need u ( A little bit of yesterday’s lunch just entered my mouth)
Tiger: I will wear you out soon (Really?)
Jaimee: how soon? I got a new piercing
Tiger: really. Where
Jaimee: I just sent u a pic of it … is on my cheek below my eye … implanted a little diamond (I’m a cokewhore)
Tiger: send it again. I didn’t pick up on that
Tiger: you just need some attention from me
Tiger: do you have a boy friend (8:45 p.m.)
Jaimee: I don’t even have someone I am dating … no … u can be my boyfriend 
(Never mind the biggest c*block ever, your WIFE AND 2 KIDS)
Tiger: then I am
Jaimee: I wish
Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together (Until I text you @ the f*ing Thanksgiving table WITH MY FAMILY PRESENT, my wife grabs my phone, reads it, I try to drive away in a valium-induced rage, only to instead mow down half the property on the front lawn, then have my wife go upside my head with one of my very own golf club, all while TMZ & E! capture the whole thing on camera.)
Tiger: when was the last time you got laid
Jaimee: if we hang out on a Sundway we can watch desperate houswives again haha (Sept. 30, 3:38 p.m.) (What the hell does that have to do with anything? & When exactly is Sundway?)
Tiger: oh god
Jaimee: take a break from watching boring old golf
Jaimee: I mean the amazing sport of golf
Jaimee: [more than an hour later] babe I was kidding
Tiger: I know sexy
Jaimee: is it orange county time yet? (Oct. 1, 6:06 p.m.)
Tiger: oh stop 
Jaimee: hahaha I know … but you canceled on me last time so the anticipation is killing me … im finding myself watching sports center … haha j/k it isn’t that bad
Tiger: its never been that bad
Jaimee: very true … I only watch football
Tiger: Figured you would say that. Big black guys. (Would Tiger qualify as the definition of ‘Big Black Guy’? Because when I think of it, Half-Black-Half-Asian golf player is not the image that comes to mind)
Jaimee: u are my first, last and only black guy! U should feel special (I’m through w/ f*in n***as after this)
Tiger: why do I not believe that?
Tiger: [later, in response to Jaimee's mention of a date who was "full of himself"] you kinda like that for some reason which is weird why you decided on me.
Tiger: having an asian mother and a military father you cannot and will not ever be full of yourself (What does that even mean?)
Jaimee: I have fun with u, you always make me smile and I am not afraid to be myself or say anything to u … the day I met u I thought u were going to kick me out a few times but for someone reason you didn’t and u have told me numerous times I talk to much but slowly as I get to know u iI think your absolutely amazing
Tiger: you are wrong I’m bone thugs in harmon (Wait a minute, wtf is he trying to say here? He thinks he’s in Bone Thugs-N-Harmony?)
Jaimee: Something wrong babe?I was excited to sepnd time with u this week (Oct. 15, 6:40 p.m.)
Tiger: I will you Sunda night. Its the only night in which I am totally free but I have to leave at 530 Monday morning to drive up to the valley for an outing for one of my sponsors. See you at 8 pm on Sunday in newport (I guess just plain old Sunday doesn’t exist in their world)
Tiger: don’t text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now (I’m being a slimeball in front of my family again)
Tiger: send me something very naughty (Oct. 18, 3:40 p.m.)
Jaimee: some things are worth waiting for lol … besides im at work
Tiger: go to the bathroom and take it (For goodness sake, I can pick this apart for days, but I’m just gonna go out on a limb & hope he didn’t mean WHILE she’s using the bathroom. But then again..)
Jaimee: haha ur too much
Jaimee: are u leaving me cause your wife is still in newport I am lonely now … i like falling asleep in your arms (Oct. 18, 11:38 p.m.)
Tiger: sorry baby I just can’t sleep. Its just a problem I have.
Tiger: she is not here. They left this morning
Jaimee: well I appreciate you not wanting to wake me up but if y couldn’t sleep I would have rather sat up and talked to u more … find out why I keep falling more and more for u
Tiger: Because I’m blasian (Ok, Wow.)
Tiger: I’m sorry babe. Im already home.
Jaimee: I’m putting my underwear back on … thats a no no … come take them off (Sickening.)
Tiger: you are too funny
Tiger: happy thanksgiving to you (Nov. 26, 11:16 a.m.)
Jaimee: u too love
Little did Tiger know…
But can each of these “women” get mad now that they as cheaters were cheated on?
Discuss…
Love,
*Ms. Officer
Men are f***ing stupid
My response to your question would be: of course I’m secretly happy tht no black women have come fwd. However, to be honest I only think thts bc Tiger doesn’t like Black women.
omg this shit was fucking hilarious. I tweeted it. I HAD TO. THE WORLD MUST SEE.
Soror, your commentary was hilarious as always. Or should i be like tiger and his friend and say “you’re”. Hahahaha!
I didn’t expect there to be women of color involved. Truthfully, I was shocked to hear some people express that the fact that there were no black tricks on the side was some sort of slight to the black community. Huh???
HAHAHAHAHA… you are too much! Seriously out of control. I like the way you capped it off…