Showdown ’08: Your New Cellmate- Political Turncoats

Just in time for my 50th post, here comes a scandal straight out of the Republican party & the “Great State o’ Alaska”.

Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens, who could say he babysat for John McCan’t (he’s 84), and Don Imus’ ghost

was convicted earlier today on 7 charges of corruption, stemming from his indictment this summer. He’s even still got the nerve to be in the running for the seat hes held for the last 40 Years- the same amount of time it took Andy Stitzer to lose his virginity!

His old ass was convicted of all the felony charges that he faced about getting home renovations and other ‘Cash Money Millionaire Sarah Palin shopping spree’ sort of gifts from lucrative oil company, VECO corp.

How Is Sarah Palin ‘not aware’ of this?

Apparently Ted used to live in a little ass mountain cabin way up in the snow, until VECO came along and made him an offer that he couldn’t refuse- including an additional story onto his house with a wraparound porch, a wine cellar and a sauna. What the hell does his raisin ass need w/ a sauna?

But here’s the best part– Stevens, who is the Senate’s longest serving Republican (hell, he’s President pro tempore emeritus) pulled an R. Kelly talkin’ bout he ain’t know he was gettin’ free sh*t.  He said he’d given the company $160,000 and thought he paid for all the work that was done.

Um, I’m sorry, but there’s no way in hell that $55 and a pack of Nicorette can take you from this:

to this:

and u don’t know what’s going on (or not giving up any–ayooooo)

Of course this man wanted a speedy trial so he can continue on Alaska’s campaign trail, and why not? Since it is not illegal to have a convicted felon barred from Congress.

Wtf.

That’s right, you read it correctly the 1st time: A Convicted Felon Does Not Have To Drop Out Of The Race Or Resign From Senate. (However, if 2/3 of the senate has an epiphany, they can vote said convicted felon out).

Steven’s boy, Bill Allen who he went fishing and drinking with gave his ass up when he snitched that Steven’s knew he was getting a sweet deal.

And here’s where the good ol’ white privilege comes in:

Ted Stevens faces up to 5 years per count in prison but under federal guidelines will most likely serve little is any time @ all.

What f*ckin federal guideline is this?  The one where you can embezzle money from large corporations for personal gainand not get punished?

‘

Oh yeah, it’s that one.

‘They shoulda neva gave u n*ggas MONEY!’

Love,

Ms. Officer